Silent Wishes
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: What happens when dysfunction meets dysfunction? Neither Edward nor Bella are prepared when fate brings them together. Will they be able to overcome the odds and find happiness? Or will the ghosts of their past keep them apart? Canon coupling, but non-canon families. Dark themes, high emotion, and standing tissue alert. AH
1. Chapter 1

1

"Edward! Edward Cullen, get your ass out of bed!"

Groaning, Edward turned his face into his pillow, trying to drown out the high-pitched and annoying voice trickling through his door. However, a moment later, he heard the wood splinter, causing him to look over just in time to watch as his sister — his highly annoying sister — leapt across the room and jumped on his bed.

"Get up!" she nearly screamed in his ear.

"I'm not ready," he mumbled, easily pushing her off of him.

"Don't care." His sister Alice climbed back on top of him, grabbing his arms and pinning them to the bed. If Edward wanted to, he could easily push her off of him, but he wouldn't, because then she would get hurt and cry. The last thing he needed was for his sister to cry because of him — again. "Carlisle said breakfast is ready and if you don't hurry, we're going to be late."

"Gee, and we wouldn't want to be late, now would we?" he muttered.

Alice sighed and climbed off him, sitting on the side of the bed and Edward immediately felt like a dick. Rolling onto his side, he propped himself up and leaned over to kiss the back of her head.

"Sorry, Pix. I'll be down in a few," he whispered, knowing that she'd hear him.

Nodding, Alice stood up and walked out of his room, pulling the door to Edward's room shut again. Edward threw his legs off the side and placed his elbows on his knees, trying like hell to get the motivation to actually stand up. Lately, he didn't have the energy to do much of anything, but that was his fault and he shouldn't take it out on anyone else.

With a sigh, Edward left his bed and headed into the bathroom. He took a quick shower, just long enough to wash the stink off him before climbing out, going back into his room, and trying to find something to wear. He settled on a pair of wore jeans and a simple black T-shirt that had the picture of a T-Rex trying to clap, and a thought bubble that said, "So close!" Alice had given it to him on his birthday and it always made her smile when he wore it.

Adding a pair of worn out Chucks, Edward grabbed his backpack from the bottom of his bed and headed downstairs. The smell of burned bacon and eggs infiltrated his nose, causing him to gag. Taking a deep breath, he attempted to cover up his disgust before he walked into the kitchen and found Alice and Carlisle sitting at the table. Neither of them were eating, or talking, or doing anything else for that matter. They were simply sitting there, staring at nothing.

"Sorry I'm late," Edward muttered, dropping his bag onto the floor and sliding into the chair across from Alice. She smiled, but didn't say anything.

Barely five-foot, two inches, Alice had long black hair and deep green eyes. They used to sparkle, twinkle with excitement, but much like everything in their lives lately, there wasn't anything to be excited about.

"It's okay," Carlisle replied, though he could tell he didn't mean it. Like Alice and Edward, Carlisle had green eyes, too. And like them, he had dark circles under them. "I tried to cook breakfast."

"So I see," he said, picking up the bowl of charred eggs and dumping a spoonful on his plate.

"You don't have to eat it," he responded with a sigh and ran his hand through his dark hair.

However, Edward knew that if he didn't eat them, he'd just feel worse and he couldn't have that on his conscience today. "They look good."

The lie didn't fool anyone, but nobody disagreed with him. Edward added a couple pieces of bacon to his plate and began shoveling the food into his mouth, hoping that if he swallowed it whole, it wouldn't taste like shit. It didn't work, but at least he tried.

Pushing his plate away, Edward looked from Alice to Carlisle. "Well, I guess we should get going."

"Yeah," they both echoed, but neither of them made an effort to stand up.

"Any idea when you'll be home?" Edward asked, looking at Carlisle.

His eyes shifted to Edward then to Alice, before he shrugged his shoulders. "No."

"Okay," was all Edward said. There wasn't anything else for him to add.

Standing up, he grabbed his bag from the floor and motioned for Alice to follow him, which she did, leaving Carlisle to head off to work. Alice and Edward climbed into Edward's car, a used and abused silver Volvo. Without speaking, Edward pulled away from the house and drove them through town to the local high school. He understood that he had to be there, but the last place he wanted to be right now was locked inside a school. One look at Alice, and Edward knew that she shared his feelings. Sometimes, life just sucked.

Edward parked next to a large jeep and cut the engine. Alice bolted from the car and was halfway through the parking lot before Edward could open his door. He knew she wasn't any more excited about being here then he was. She just hated being inside a car. Automatically bringing his hand up, Edward rubbed against the long, vertical scar in the middle of his chest. He didn't much care about being in the car, either, but someone had to drive and she certainly wasn't going to.

Climbing out of the car, Edward grabbed his backpack from the back seat and followed Alice inside. She was waiting for him just inside the doors, carefully eyeing those around her like she was afraid they were going to pounce. Edward placed his hand on the back of her neck and led her through the throng of people toward the office, wishing like hell they'd mind their own business. However, Edward wasn't stupid. He knew how people were when it came to new kids. They felt they had the right to stare, to judge, to condemn without ever speaking to someone.

Resisting the urge to huff, Edward opened the door to the office and ushered Alice inside. Behind the god-awful orange counter stood a woman with short, carrot-colored hair and dark, beady eyes. She was about thirty pounds overweight, and seemed to carry all of it in her boobs, making it appear that she was about to topple over at any moment. Her eyes lifted to Edward and Alice, widening at first, but then returning to normal.

"May I help you?"

"I hope so," Edward grumbled.

Alice sighed and looked up at him. "Be nice," she whispered.

Rolling his eyes, Edward looked back over at the woman. "We're new. Last name is Cullen."

"Oh, of course," she replied, her face contorting into pity and once again Edward stifled a huff. "I have your schedules right here."

"Thanks," they muttered, taking the paper from the woman.

"I'm Ms. Cope. If you need anything, just let us know," she offered.

"Okay," Edward replied.

Placing his hand on the back of Alice's neck again, he led her out of the office. The door shut behind them with a loud click, drawing more attention to him than he was wanting, but what else was new. They quickly compared schedules, only to find that they didn't have a single class together.

"It'll be okay," Edward whispered just loud enough for Alice to hear him. She nodded, but he knew she wasn't convinced. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yeah," Alice murmured, shifting her eyes around before heading down to her locker.

Edward stood there and watched until Alice found it, opened it, and stuffed her shit inside. She looked back at him, smiling and waving him away.

_She'll be okay_, he thought — he hoped.

Turning, he headed in the opposite direction, finding his locker, and shoving his bag inside. No point in carrying it around all day, not until he knew if he'd need it at least. Shoving a pen in his back pocket, Edward closed his locker and headed down to his first class: English.

There were a dozen or so kids standing outside of the classroom, all of whom stared at him as he walked past them. He didn't care. Staring was something he'd come to get used to. The teacher was standing behind his desk, shuffling through some papers, and when Edward walked in, he looked up and smiled.

"You must be Edward," he said with so much happiness, Edward had to resist the urge to puke.

"Yep," he replied with a nod.

The teacher — a large, brawny guy with a headful of dark curly hair and big blue eyes — dropped the papers on his desk and held a hand out to Edward. "I'm Mr. Swan."

"Oh, um, okay," Edward mumbled, shaking his hand.

"You can one of the seats in the back. Pretty sure they're all empty."

"Thanks." Edward moved to the far side of the room and slide into the seat in the back corner of the classroom, keeping his eyes on Mr. Swan. He was — too friendly. Teachers were supposed to be cranky and mean, right?

One by one, the rest of the class trickled into the room. Just as the bell rang, the door opened once more and Edward automatically looked over. Standing in the doorway was a small girl, not much bigger than Alice. She had long, silky brown hair and deep brown eyes. Sparing a look to Mr. Swan, she mouthed something to him before walking through the classroom and sliding into the desk in front of Edward. Unlike everyone else in the room, or hell the building, she never even looked at him.

"Well, now that everyone is here," Mr. Swan started, throwing a look to the girl sitting in front of me, "we can get started. Now, we've been discussing Shakespeare . . ."

As Mr. Swan started rambling on and on about how amazing William Shakespeare was, Edward turned and stared out the window. The skies of Forks, Washington were dull and gray. It hadn't stopped raining since they moved there three days before and from the look of thick, heavy clouds hanging above the school, the rain wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

It was nothing like in Chicago. Sure you had the wind, and it rained, but not all the time. No, Forks was green, where Chicago had been nothing more than concrete and buildings. Edward wasn't sure which he preferred. Right now, they both sucked.

A hand slipped over his, causing Edward's attention to snap toward it. He found himself staring into the brown eyes of the girl sitting in front of him. She smiled and looked down at his hand. It was then that Edward realized that he'd been tapping his nails on the desk.

"Sorry," he muttered.

She simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders, as if to say that it was okay, before turning back around and focusing her attention back on Mr. Swan's enthusiastic ramblings. Edward didn't understand why the feel of her hand over his felt right, or why he missed her touch. A few minutes later, the bell rang and the girl stood up, looked back at Edward, gave him a small wave, and walked out. Pushing himself out of his desk, he followed her out in the hallway. He couldn't help but watch her walk down the hallway, noticing that nobody really spoke to her and she didn't speak to anyone else.

Heaving a deep breath, Edward pulled out his class schedule and saw that he had history next. Checking the class number, he noted that he was heading in the same direction as the girl. Shoving the paper back into his pocket, Edward started walking down the hallway and found himself going into the same classroom as the girl. She was sitting in the back, but looked up when he walked inside, a smile playing on her lips.

"Edward Cullen, I presume?"

He looked over at the teacher, who was watching him with expectation. "Yes, sir."

"Welcome to Forks," he offered with a grin. "You can take the seat behind Miss Swan, if you'd like."

"And she would be?" Edward asked, looking around the room. The girl from his English class smiled bigger and pointed at herself. "Never mind."

Edward walked around and slid into the seat behind her, vaguely aware that everyone in class was watching him. The girl — whose first name Edward still hadn't learned — smiled once more at him before she turned and faced the front of the classroom.

History flew by, and the moment the bell rang, the girl was gone again. Edward followed her right to her next class, Spanish, which they also happened to have together. Once again, he was greeted warmly by Senora Goff, and told to take any seat that he wanted. Why Edward felt the urge to take the seat behind Swan again wasn't something he could explain. Not even to himself.

Through three classes, he never learned her name, something that was bothering him more than he should be letting it. After trig was over, Edward watched Swan head in the opposite direction of his next class. Pulling his schedule out once again, Edward sighed when he noticed that he had a free period, which he knew to be code for gym, which he couldn't take. Not that he wanted to. Gym meant changing clothes, and Edward was glad that was one experience that he wouldn't have to deal with, especially not anymore.

Stopping outside of his locker, he shoved all of his books inside before heading to the office to see what he was supposed to do with his free period. Ms. Cope looked up at him and smiled.

"Can I help you, dear?" she asked.

"Yeah, I have a free period," he muttered.

"Oh, yes, I meant to talk to you about that this morning," she rattled on. "You've been assigned to the library, as an aid."

"An aid?" he questioned.

"Yes. You know, help the librarian put the books on the shelves, or whatever she needs you to do."

"Fine. Where's the library?" Edward deadpanned.

Ms. Cope gave Edward the directions, and sent him on his way. It only took him a couple of minutes to find the library. Pausing outside, he took a deep breath before opening the door and walking inside. The first thing he noticed was that Swan was standing behind the desk with a scanner in one hand and a book in the other.

She looked up at him and smiled, which sent a shiver through him.

"Oh, hey," a voice to his left called out. When Edward looked over, he saw a tall, beautiful caramel-haired woman with dark brown eyes standing next to one of the bookshelves. "You must be Edward."

"That's me," he mumbled.

The woman smiled before looking over at Swan and then back at him. "You can put your bag next to the door. Have you ever worked in a library before?"

"No," Edward replied, tossing his bag on the floor.

"Okay, well, we're pretty relaxed here," she stated, moving back over to him and motioning for him to follow her behind the counter. He did, vaguely aware that Swan was watching his every step. He wasn't sure if it bothered him or not. "Have you met Bella?"

"Um, kind of," Edward mumbled. "We had the same classes this morning."

"Ah, I see," the woman said, nodding. "Well, it's pretty easy for the most part."

She walked around the counter. "Bella, may I?"

Bella nodded and stepped out of the way.

The librarian gestured for Edward to come stand next to her, which he did. "When someone comes in to check out a book, you type their name in here," she gestured to one of the empty boxes on the screen, "and then hit enter. Once their account comes up, you scan the book and have them sign the electronic pad. When they return the book, you scan it once again and it will tell you if it's late or not. Put the book on the returned book cart and you're done. Any questions?"

"Um, No, ma'am," Edward muttered.

"Ugh, don't call me ma'am," she exclaimed with grimace. From behind her, Edward saw Bella laughing silently. "My name is Esme Swan. I know I'm not supposed to allow you to call me Esme, but I don't feel like a Miss Swan, ya know?"

"Oh, okay, sorry," Edward mumbled, feeling his ears turn red with embarrassment.

"Don't sweat it," Esme laughed. "Ma'am just makes me feel old, and before you say it, I am not old."

Edward wasn't sure what to say.

"Wow, okay, things just got awkward," Esme said. "I'm going to go back to work now that I've made a fool of myself. If you need anything just holler."

"Oh, um, okay," Edward replied. "What should I do?"

"Hmm, for today just watch Bella. Then tomorrow, we'll get you started on stocking the shelves," Esme said, before heading back over to where she was.

Edward took a deep breath and looked over at Bella, who had her hand around her throat. "Guess, I'm just watching."

Bella nodded and stepped back up to the counter. She picked up a book, scanned it, and held it out to Edward, motioning for him to put it on the cart for her.

Edward took it and did as she motioned. "Any particular order?"

Bella shook her head and handed him another book. Sighing, he took it from her and placed it next to the other one. Over and over, they repeated the process until the bell rang, dismissing them for lunch. Bella placed the scanner on the counter, walked around the counter, picked up her bag, and waved at Esme before turning to Edward.

Smiling, she motioned with her head for him to follow her. Edward did as she told him, picking up his bag, and following her out into the hallway. Silently, they walked down to the cafeteria. Alice was waiting for Edward outside, and when she looked up and saw him walking with Bella, she started to smile, but almost immediately stopped.

Bella smiled at Alice before waving to Edward and heading inside.

"Who was that?" Alice asked and Edward noted the mix of concern and excitement in her voice. Once upon a time, Alice would have marched straight up to Bella, introduced herself, and declared them to be best friends. Of course, that was before everything changed.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Bella."

"Oh." Alice didn't push it any further. "You ready?"

"Guess so."

It didn't matter if Edward was ready or not, they had to go inside. Placing his hand on the back of Alice's neck, he led her inside, stifling the groan when nearly everyone looked over at them — everyone but Bella. She had gotten a tray and was sitting at a table in the back corner, completely alone. Instead of gawking at the new kids, she was reading. It was . . . both comforting and uncomfortable.

"Suddenly, I'm not very hungry," Alice whispered and Edward could feel her trembling.

Closing his eyes, he moved so that he stood between Alice and everyone. He placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head back, looking her directly in the eyes as he said, "It's just you and me, Pix. Just us."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Alice murmured.

Edward placed his hand back on the back of her neck and led her over to the food line, trying to keep himself between Alice and everyone else. It was odd to him that the once outgoing and exuberant sister was now quiet, shy, and introverted. Nothing was ever going to be the same, not ever again.

Once they'd both bought turkey sandwiches and cokes, Edward led Alice to the only empty table left and they sat down. The room was eerily silent as Edward and Alice unwrapped their food and began to eat. Suddenly, a loud bang echoed through the room and everyone turned — including Edward and Alice — to where Bella once sat; once sat because she was now standing next to the table, slamming her empty tray on the table. Tossing it down, she brought her hands up in front of her and shook her head before sitting back down.

Edward wasn't sure why Bella had started to hit the table, but was grateful that nobody was staring at him and Alice anymore. Bella shifted her eyes over to him before she picked up her book and went back to her reading.

"That was weird," Alice commented, pulling Edward's attention back to her.

"Yeah," he agreed. "So, how'd the morning go?"

"Oh, you know." She waved a hand in the air. "Pretty much sucked."

"Yeah, for me, too."

"There — there is this one guy," Alice said, speaking so softly Edward wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly.

"A guy?" he asked.

Alice refused to meet his gaze, but nodded her head. "He's in gym and English with me."

"And?" Edward prodded for more information.

"And nothing. He just seemed different," Alice said, shrugging her shoulders again. Lifting her eyes to Edward's, she added, "He — he didn't look at me."

"Like at all?"

Alice shook her head.

"Oh." He wasn't sure whether to be grateful that this guy hadn't looked at his sister, or pissed that he hadn't.

"There he is," Alice hissed, tilting her head toward the food line.

Edward looked over and knew immediately who Alice had been talking to. The boy was tall — taller than him — and had shaggy blond hair that hung in his face. Adjusting the backpack hanging on his shoulder, he turned and walked toward where Bella was sitting. When he pulled the chair out, she looked up and smiled at him.

"Guess they're friends," Alice grumbled.

Edward looked over at her. "Looks like it."

Alice pushed her half-eaten sandwich away and leaned back in her seat, placing her hand on her chest. "Figures."

"Yeah," Edward agreed, unsure of what else to say. He shifted his eyes back over to Bella and the guy and felt a surge of hate toward the guy, something he knew he had no right to feel. It's not like Bella had even talked to him.

* * *

**So, a few notes about this new story. First, I have several chapters already written, but I can't guarantee that I will be able to update on any kind of schedule. The plot bunny hit me a couple days ago and I couldn't seem to ignore it...so yeah. Second, things are going to get dark-really dark, and I want you to be be prepared that this isn't the same ole story. **


	2. Chapter 2

2

"Hey," Jasper Hale muttered as he settled in the seat next to Bella.

Smiling, she looked over at him and waved.

"Did you do the trig homework?" Jasper asked.

Bella nodded, and gestured to her bag, giving him permission to copy her work. It wasn't that he didn't know how to do the work, because he did. Jasper was brilliant; he just had trouble with focusing his attention on the work. They'd practically been friends since they were born, and she knew him better than he knew himself.

"Thanks," he groused, pulling her notebook out. He placed his ear buds in his ears and set one of his loud and annoying playlists. Bobbing his head up and down, he set off to work on copying her homework. Belle returned her attention to her book, but not before noticing that Edward Cullen was looking at her again. The town had been buzzing about his family's arrival. Bella felt sorry for them. It was clear they didn't relish in the attention that they were receiving.

When the lunch bell rang, Bella tossed her book into her bag and waved to Jasper. He nodded, before turning back to his lunch. As expected, when she walked through the room, she could feel everyone watching her. They always did. It didn't matter that it'd been three years. No, they always stared at her and she'd gotten to the point where she stopped caring. Not anymore.

Caring only led to tears, which led to people feeling pity for her. She didn't need it, not from anyone. Stopping at her locker first, she stowed her books from the morning and grabbed her biology book and her trig book, placing them in her backpack before heading to the biology classroom. As she usual, Bella was the first one to get to class. She took a seat at her table and pulled out her book before placing her bag on the floor.

One by one the rest of her classmates clamored into the room and took their seats. Dr. Banner had just rushed in the front door when Bella saw Edward come in through the back. Edward looked over at her, but quickly turned away and headed up to Dr. Banner. Bella knew that Edward would be assigned the seat next to hers. It was the only empty seat in the room, mainly because nobody wanted to sit with the freak. Again, Bella was used to it.

Just as she knew he would, Dr. Banner directed Edward to take the seat next to her. Edward thanked him and slid onto the stool, placing his bag in his lap and his hands on the table. He looked over at her and smiled. He was a handsome boy, with thick, luxurious auburn hair and amazing green eyes.

"Dr. Banner said that I could share your book until he can get me one," Edward murmured. "Is that okay?"

Bella smiled and pushed her book toward him.

"Thanks," he said with a frown.

Bella simply nodded and leaned up on her elbow, reading along while Dr. Banner started his lecture. Every few minutes, Edward would look over at her. When Bella would catch him staring, he'd snap his attention back to the book, like he'd been stung. Bella couldn't explain why Edward seemed different than the other guys in the school. Well, that wasn't true. The other guys in school had been together since elementary school and were assholes — everyone but Jasper anyway.

"Okay, so," Dr. Banner clapped his hands, drawing their attention to him, "test tomorrow. Study, ladies and gentlemen." Dr. Banner looked over at Edward. "You don't have to take the test since you're new. I can give you the notes over everything we've covered so far, and you can take it next week."

"All right," Edward muttered.

The bell rang and Bella reached across Edward, grabbing her book.

He looked over at her. "Thanks again."

Bella nodded and grabbed her bag from the floor, shoving the book inside.

Edward sighed and stood up, walked out without another word. Tugging her bag on her shoulder, Bella followed him out, unsurprised when they ended up in the same classroom. It was odd that they seemed to have every class together. She took her usual seat while he dealt with Mr. Varner, who promptly gestured for him to take the empty seat behind Bella. Edward shuffled across the room and slide into his desk. Turning in her seat, Bella pulled out her book and offered it to him.

Edward lifted an eyebrow in her direction. "Won't you need it?"

Bella smiled and shook her head.

"Okay, if you're sure," he said, taking it from her. "Thanks."

Shrugging her shoulders, Bella turned back around and pulled out a notebook and pencil so she could take notes. Mr. Varner started his lecture on the quadratic formula, droning on and on about each step and speaking to them like they were in kindergartens and were being told how to add one plus one again.

Finally, after an hour, the bell rang and class ended. Edward handed Bella her book, thanking her once again. And once again, she smiled and nodded at him. He left and Bella packed up her stuff, heading out of the classroom.

She stopped at her locker, grabbing her books so she could do her homework. Once she was loaded down, she headed down to Emmett's classroom, leaning against the doorjamb and watching him for just a minute. He was standing in front of his white board, erasing the notes he'd written up there for his freshman English class.

Bella reached over and knocked on the door, startling her brother.

Emmett turned and glared at her, which just caused her to smile wider. "You brat."

Shrugging, she couldn't argue with him. Bringing her hands up, she began to sign. "You almost ready? I have a lot of homework."

"Yeah, just give me a minute," Emmett said, turning back to his desk.

A few minutes later, Emmett had stuffed his own backpack with a stack full of papers and led her out to his car. Jasper was waiting for them next to the jeep. As usual, he had his earbuds in. It irritated Emmett, but Bella didn't mind. She understood that was just Jasper. Edward Cullen and his sister Alice were climbing into a beat-up silver Volvo. Edward looked right at her, before he started his car and drove away.

"How'd the new kids do?" Emmett asked, leading her to his jeep.

Bella shrugged and brought her hand up in front of her. "Okay, I guess. They were really quiet."

"Quieter than you?" he asked.

"Nobody is quieter than me," she signed.

"True enough."

"Does Esme have an appointment today?" Bella signed.

Emmett closed his eyes for just a moment, but nodded. "Yeah."

Jasper climbed into the backseat of the jeep, while Bella settled into the passenger seat. When they got home, Bella went straight to her room to start her homework, while Emmett started a load of laundry, and Jasper disappeared in his bedroom, which was right across from Bella's. When Bella sat down on her bed, she looked over at the picture on her nightstand. Automatically, she reached out for it, pulling her knees up in front of her and laying the frame against them.

Charlie, Renee, Esme, Emmett, and Bella — back when they were a happy family. Back before things went to hell, before life as Bella knew it ended. Charlie was standing behind his wife, arms wrapped around Renee, and they were both smiling like the end of the world wasn't about to happen to them. Esme, who'd just turned twenty-three, was standing in front of Charlie. Emmett — nineteen — was standing behind Renee, while Bella stood in front of Esme. She'd just turned fourteen the month before the picture had been taken. Renee had insisted that they needed a new family photo, and they'd begrudgingly agreed. Though, in hindsight, Bella was thankful for the photo.

"Hey, got anything that needs to be washed?" Emmett asked, barging into Bella's room. She put the photo back on her table and shook her head, trying to wipe away the tears before he saw them, but knew she failed when Emmett sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed. "You're looking at them again."

It wasn't a question, so Bella didn't respond.

Huffing, Emmett reached over and tilted her chin up, looking at the tears filling her eyes. "Butterbean."

"I know," she signed.

"You just get upset," he murmured.

Bella nodded.

"We can go see them this weekend," Emmett said, "if you want."

Shrugging, Bella brought her hands up in front of her again. "Whatever. I don't care."

"Yeah, I can tell you don't," he scoffed and stood up. "Sure I can't wash your clothes? I promise not to ruin them."

Bella smiled and shook her head. "I'm okay, Em," she signed. "But thanks."

"Okay, if you're sure." Sighing, he walked out of her room. "Dinner will be ready at six."

Promptly at six p.m., Bella closed her history book and climbed off her bed and walked downstairs to the kitchen, where she found Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie, Jasper's older sister, waiting for her at the table. She already knew that Esme wasn't there; something that had her feeling jittery and nervous as each passing minute drifted by. In an effort to distract herself, Bella motioned toward the sink and washed her hands before taking the chair next to her brother.

"Did you get your homework done?" Rose asked, filling Bella's plate with a grilled chicken breast, a helping of broccoli, and a roll. "Em said you had a lot."

"I'm almost done," Bella signed before taking her plate from her sister-in-law.

The gorgeous blond smiled and nodded before dishing out a larger helping to Emmett and Jasper, and finally for herself. Emmett and Rosalie had only been married for a few months, but had spent a lifetime together, one that had faced more than a few struggles over the years. Rosalie and Jasper had lived with Bella, Emmett, and Esme for three years, ever since . . . Well, for three years.

"Sorry, I'm late."

Jasper, Emmett, Rose, and Bella looked back as Esme came rushing into the kitchen. A sigh of relief flittered out of Bella's mouth before she could stop it. Esme's hair was a mess and her cheeks were stained with tears, indicating that her appointment hadn't gone well, or maybe it had. Bella had refused therapy, so she wouldn't know if crying was good or not. Esme kicked off her heels and washed her hands before settling down at the table, and graciously accepting the plate of food that Rose offered her.

"I was getting worried," Emmett muttered, turning his eyes to the table.

"I know," Esme said, placing her hand on his arm. "My appointment ran long."

Emmett nodded, sliding his hand over hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Just call next time, okay?" He shifted his eyes to Bella. "For her, ya know."

"Okay, Em," Esme sighed and looked over at Bella. "I'm sorry, Bella."

She shrugged; trying to act like it wasn't a big deal.

Of course, Esme didn't buy it, she never did. Keeping her hand on Emmett's arm, Esme reached over and stroked Bella's cheek. "I'm sorry. Time just seemed to . . . I don't know, disappear. I didn't mean to make you worry."

"It's fine, Es," Bella signed, glad for once that her hands didn't betray her the way her voice would.

"Okay, if you say so," Esme murmured.

The rest of dinner went by in quiet conversation, mostly between Emmett, Rose, and Esme, who talked about work. While Emmett and Esme both shared secrets about Bella's classmates, like how Mike Newton owed almost fifty dollars in library finds, Rose talked about her shift at the hospital. Rose was a nurse, and worked in the emergency room. She worked odd shifts, but always made time for her family. And make no mistake, Emmett, Esme, and Bella were her family — the only ones that mattered anyway.

Once they were done eating, Bella and Esme did the dishes before Bella retreated back to her bedroom to finish her homework. She'd been in there for an hour when someone knocked on her door. When she looked up, she saw Esme standing there with two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Thought you might want a treat," she snickered, pushing off the doorjamb and coming over to sit on the side of Bella's bed.

She held out one of the mugs, which Bella took, smiling when she saw the frothy marshmallows on top. Bella took a small sip, knowing that it would be hot. Closing her eyes, she savored the taste.

"Good, right?" Esme asked.

Bella opened her eyes, nodded, and took another sip. Placing her cup on her nightstand, Bella's eyes flittered to the photograph once again, and Esme's appearance in her room suddenly made sense. Sighing, she looked back at her older sister.

"He told you, didn't he?" she said with her hands.

"Yes," Esme replied.

Bella huffed. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," she disagreed. "And there is no point in lying about it, either. I know you better than that, Butterbean."

Bella rolled her eyes and started signing. "I'm okay. Just because I look at their picture, doesn't mean that I'm going to be upset."

"I know," Esme said, taking a sip of her cocoa. "Em thinks we should go see them this weekend. What do you think?"

Shrugging, she wasn't sure what she should tell her sister. Did she want to see them? Only every moment of every day, but could she? Could she go there and see them without losing it? That was one question that Bella couldn't answer.

"It's been a while," Esme murmured, reaching over and brushing Bella's hair behind her ear. "It's okay to miss them, Bella. I do every day."

"Me too," Bella signed.

Esme stayed until they both finished their cocoa and then took their cups back downstairs. Tired of studying, Bella shoved everything into her backpack. She climbed off the bed and shut the door to her room. Stripping off her clothes, Bella dug inside her dresser until she found one of Charlie's shirts and slipped it on. She shuffled over to her window and settled on the window seat, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. For once, she was glad that when she cried, nobody could hear her.

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**Thank you so much for all the reviews! I appreciate them more than you'll ever know. I hope you enjoyed this peek into Bella's world. **


	3. Chapter 3

3

Carlisle didn't get home until almost ten. Looking ragged and rundown, he slumped down in his chair and looked at the plate of food that Edward had just set in front of him.

"Thanks," he muttered, picking up his fork and pushing the cold mac and cheese, fish sticks, and green beans around. "Where's Pix?"

"Her room," Edward replied, dumping the left over mac and cheese in a bowl before dipping the saucepan into the sink full of water. "How'd it go?"

Carlisle sighed. "I don't know. Good I guess."

"Do you think you're gonna like it?" Edward asked.

"I have to, right? We have shit to pay and . . . I'll make it work," Carlisle said.

"Car," Edward mumbled.

"It's okay, Edward. Everything will be okay."

Edward didn't believe the lies pouring out of his brother's mouth, but opted not to push the issue. Popping a lid onto the bowl of mac and cheese first, he put it in the fridge and moved over to the table, sliding into the chair he'd been sitting in when Carlisle came stomping inside. He picked up his pencil and returned his attention to his homework.

"How'd it go at school?" Carlisle asked.

Edward snorted. "How do you think it went? It was the same old bullshit, just different people."

"And, um, Pix is okay?" Carlisle pressed.

Edward closed his eyes and released a deep breath. "I don't know. She's been locked in her room since we got home. I didn't want to bother her." He looked up at Carlisle, noticing the he hadn't taken a bite. "Eat, Car."

"I will," he lied.

There really wasn't any reason for him to try to lie. Edward could read him better than anyone, something that had always annoyed Carlisle. Edward worried about his older brother. Instead of twenty-six, he looked thirty. He'd lost weight. Fuck, they'd all lost weight, but whatever. Carlisle didn't sleep, he didn't eat, and he certainly didn't talk to anyone — not really anyway. A few words here and there, but he'd been on the edge for too long. Edward understood. He'd been on that edge along with him. So had Alice.

Edward turned his attention back to his homework, while Carlisle pretended to eat. After a few minutes, Carlisle picked up his plate and dumped the food into the garbage before putting his plate in the sink. Without a word to Edward, Carlisle walked out of the kitchen. A moment later, he heard music coming from Carlisle's bedroom.

"Guess I'm washing the dishes," Edward muttered to himself.

A few hours later, he'd finished his homework and the dishes. Making his way upstairs, he stopped outside of Carlisle's room first, knowing that all he was going to hear was Carlisle's stereo belting out every sad and depressing song on the man's playlist. Next, Edward moved over to Alice's door. He considered knocking, but knew better than to bother his sister when she was like this. Sighing, he turned and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him and stripping off his shirt, just leaving him in his faded jeans. Crawling across his bed, Edward grabbed his pillow, and buried his face in the softness. Now that he was alone, he didn't have to be strong for everyone else and could let his own tears fall without care.

—SW—

The week crept by at a slow and painful pace. Every day was the same. Alice would scream and yell at Edward to get up, Carlisle would attempt to make them breakfast, and Edward and Alice would go to school while Carlisle went to work. Then, at night Alice would lock herself up in her room, Carlisle would nibble on whatever dinner Edward scrounged up before retreating to his bedroom, and Edward was left to clean everything up. He didn't really mind. It was better than doing nothing.

On Friday morning, Edward pulled his car up into the parking space next to Emmett Swan's jeep. On Tuesday, Edward had put it together that Emmett and Bella were siblings. Alice had also deduces that Esme Swan was also their sibling, unless Esme and Emmett were married, but the fact that Emmett wore a wedding band, and Esme didn't led Edward to assume that Alice's prediction was correct.

"He's doing it again," Alice whispered and Edward looked over at him. "He tried to hide it, but I saw the mark this morning."

Edward nodded, having assumed the same when Carlisle was the last one down to breakfast. "I'll talk to him."

"He'll just deny it," Alice murmured. "Like always."

"Yeah, but I'll still talk to him," Edward replied.

Alice nodded and let the subject drop. They both knew it would be pointless. This was what happened with Carlisle. They'd been there, done that, and had to move because of it. This wouldn't be any different, that much Edward was sure of.

"Come on, Pix. We're gonna be late."

Alice muttered something under her breath, but Edward couldn't make out what it was. He let it go and followed her into the building. Just like they had done every day since they arrived in Forks, everyone stared at them. Edward rolled his eyes and made his way down to his locker, wishing that just for once they'd stop. It's like they were raised without manners.

Shoving his unneeded books into his locker, Edward slammed it shut, and glared at everyone before he turned and walked to his English class. Emmett was sitting at his desk, while Bella was at hers. She was leaning down with her arms folded in front of her. Her chin was propped up on one of her arms and she had a book in the other one. Her eyes flittered to him when he walked in, and she smiled. Though, he had been there for several days and they had every class together, Bella Swan still hadn't said a word to him. Edward was starting to wonder if she ever spoke to anyone because from what he could tell, she hadn't spoken to a single person.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett said, smiling at him. "Big plans for the weekend?"

"Nope. Same old stuff, different day," Edward groused, walking across the room and sliding into his desk. Bella looked over her shoulder at him, tilting her head toward Emmett, and rolling her eyes. Edward bit the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing.

As the rest of their class trickled through the door, Bella put her book up and turned her attention to Emmett. It was funny how much they looked alike, while still being completely different. They both had the same color hair and Edward figured that if Bella's wasn't so long that it would be just as curly as Emmett's. Indented into their left cheeks were dimples. The only real differences came in their sizes and eye color.

While Emmett droned on and on about one of Shakespeare's plays, Edward once again turned his attention to the window. Like it had almost every day, it was raining. How they hadn't flooded and floated away was beyond him. That much rain couldn't be normal, could it? Apparently it was, though, because they'd had plenty of rain and there they still were.

The sound of the bell ringing startled him, but he hid his flinch, or at least he hoped he had. The last thing he needed would be for people to stare at him for being a freak. Oh, wait, they already were. Sighing, he grabbed his bag off the floor and headed toward the door. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Bella standing next to Emmett. He said something to her, and she brought her hands up, using sign language to answer. Shifting her eyes up, she caught Edward staring and promptly dropped her hands. With a shake of her head, she answered Emmett, picked up her bag, and brushed her way past him.

"Better get to class, Edward," Emmett said, giving him a look. "Don't want to be late."

"Yeah, okay," Edward muttered and headed toward his history class.

He found Bella's eyes on him the moment he walked through the door. In fact, she didn't look away from him as he walked around to their side of their room and slid into the seat next to her. Placing his hands on the desk in front of him, he leaned toward her.

"I take it you don't like people to watch you sign?" he whispered.

Bella shook her head.

"I'm sorry, then. I didn't mean to intrude."

She shrugged her shoulders, but still she didn't look away.

Edward sighed. "You're not deaf, right? I mean, it seems like you're able to hear."

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Discretely, she placed a finger on her left ear and nodded, and then moved it to her right ear, nodding again. Then, she brought her hand to her throat, and shook her head.

"You can hear, but you can't speak."

Bella nodded, shrugging her shoulders once again.

"Is it a secret?"

She shook her head, and tilted her head toward the rest of their class, and somehow Edward understood. They knew, which explained why they stared at her, gawking at her all the time.

Edward nodded. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Bella lifted an eyebrow in question.

"To be the center of unwanted attention," he explained, shifting his eyes away from her. "Sucks."

Bella surprised him by reaching over and grabbing his chin and shifting his face back toward her. Nodding, she agreed with him.

"Don't worry. I won't stare at you," Edward murmured.

She frowned, which was a reaction that he didn't quite understand. Class started, so Bella turned her attention back to the front.

The rest of the morning flew by and before Edward knew it they were on their way to the library. Esme looked over at them when they walked in and waved, but left them to do their work. While Bella checked the books that had been put in the return box, Edward grabbed the book cart and rolled it into the heart of the library and started shelving the books that had already been checked back into the library. It was tedious work, but made the hour pass quicker, and for that alone, Edward was more than happy to do the labor. Besides, it was better than taking gym. Just the thought of having to take his shirt off, of everyone seeing . . . Edward was glad he didn't have to worry about that nightmare ever again.

Edward had just put the last book on the shelf, when he heard the door to the library get thrown open and Esme call out, "Hey, don't slam my door."

"Edward!" Alice called.

Closing his eyes for just a moment, he left the cart and ran around the stacks, finding Alice standing in the doorway of the library with her arms wrapped around her and her hands clenched into fists.

"Pix, what's wrong?" Edward asked, rushing over to her and drawing her into his arms, placing one hand on the back of her neck and the other in the middle of her back. Alice was trembling. "Pix!"

"I — I fell asleep," she whispered.

Edward's shoulder sank and he shot Esme and Bella a look before dragging Alice further into the library and away from their prying eyes. He knew she hadn't been sleeping. The dark circles were evidence of that much, but he'd hoped that her breakdown would wait until the weekend, where nobody would see her. Going to the farthest corner they could, Edward slid to the floor and pulled Alice onto his lap, holding her tight and trying to keep her from completely losing it.

"Which class?" he asked.

"English," Alice replied, and somehow Edward felt relieved that it happened with Emmett, and not Dr. Banner or Mr. Varner.

"Tell me," Edward murmured.

Alice turned her face into his chest. "The car, the ice — everything."

"But you know we're not there anymore, right?"

"Yeah," Alice whispered.

The sound of someone knocking on a hard surface pulled Edward's attention over to where Bella was standing. She had a box of tissues in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. Bella gestured to Alice before walking over to them and placing them on the floor next to Edward. Frowning, Bella turned and walked away.

"Here," Edward said, picking up the coffee cup of water. "Drink."

Alice took it from his hand and took a sip. "I could hear them screaming again. Like they were right next to me."

"But they aren't. Not anymore."

"I know," Alice groused, sliding off Edward's lap and pulling her knees to her chest. She laid her head on her knees. "But I want them to be."

Edward sighed, and placed his hand on the back of her neck again. "Me too, Pix."

They stayed in the back corner of the library until the bell rang for lunch. Though reluctant, Edward and Alice stood up and shuffled to the front, where Esme and Bella were standing. Esme had said something to Bella, and she'd brought her hands up in front of her to reply, but knowing how sensitive she was about people watching her, Edward cleared his throat, causing them both to look over at them. Bella promptly dropped her hands to her side.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Esme asked, stepping toward Alice. However, she stopped when Alice moved away from her.

"I'm fine," Alice replied. "Sorry about the door."

Esme shrugged. "Eh, don't worry about it. You're not the first student to slam it, and you certainly won't be the last."

"Oh."

Edward placed his hand on the nape of Alice's neck once again and led her out of the library, but not before looking back at Bella, who had a frown on her face. Edward couldn't understand her reaction. Why did his sister's freak out cause Bella to be sad? They didn't need her pity, any more than she wanted people to stare at her while she used sign language.

Shaking his head, Edward let the door close behind him and led Alice down the hallway to the cafeteria. Of course, when they walked in, everyone stopped and stared at them, evidence that word of his sister's breakdown had already reached the masses. Alice was still trembling, and as much as Edward wanted to turn and take her away from it all, he couldn't. They'd learned the hard way that hiding never solved anything.

"Come on, let's get something to eat," Edward whispered just loud enough for Alice to hear.

"Okay," she mumbled.

Though it was hard to get his feet to move, Edward dragged Alice to the food line, where the people in front of them turned and stared at them. Edward glared at them until they had the decency to turn away. Have some class about the gawking at least.

Once they had their food, opting to go with a slice of pizza and two cokes, they headed back to their usual table. They'd just sat down when the door to the cafeteria opened once again, pulling everyone's attention from Edward and Alice and over to Bella and Jasper. Automatically, Bella looked over at him and Alice, but she turned away quickly.

"He heard me," Alice whispered and Edward looked over at her, noticing the way she was watching Jasper. "He sits a couple rows away from me, but when . . . well, let's just say, he heard me."

"Did he say anything?" Edward asked.

Alice shook her head and looked over at him. "I didn't really give anyone a chance to say anything. Just pulled my ass up off the floor and took off running. Like a coward."

"You're not a coward, Pix," he disagreed, nudging her tray toward her. "Eat. It's worse when you don't eat."

Alice looked over at Jasper once more before she picked up her pizza and took a small bite. Releasing a breath, Edward started eating, too. He knew that once she took her first bite that as long as he ate, too, then she would keep going. Sure enough, by the time he finished his pizza, she finished hers.

When the bell rang, everyone started filing out of the cafeteria — everyone but Edward, Alice, Bella, and Jasper.

Edward leaned toward Alice. "Are you okay?"

"I guess," she mumbled.

"Damn it, Bella!" Jasper yelled, standing up so fast that his chair flew back against the floor. "I said no, so drop it already."

Turning away from Bella, Jasper looked over at Edward and Alice, and the expression on his face wasn't hard to read: pure disgust. Shaking his head, he walked out of the cafeteria. Edward shifted his eyes down to Alice, who had tears pooling in her eyes. Placing his hand on the back of her neck, he drew her into his arms and held her while Bella gathered her stuff and walked over to the door. She paused long enough to look over at Edward and Alice before she left.

"I want to go home," Alice whimpered.

"Okay, Pix," Edward murmured, standing up with her against him. "Let's go."

Edward led Alice out to his car and made sure she was in before shutting the door behind her and running around to the passenger seat. Once they were at home, Alice bolted into the house and Edward knew that she was going to lock herself up in her bedroom. Sitting on the bottom of the stairs, he pulled his cell phone out and pulled up his contacts. He only had a few: Carlisle, Alice, and his parents, not that he needed their numbers anymore. He just couldn't get himself to delete them. Bringing up Carlisle's number, he selected a text message and punched out his message:

**_Pix had a hard day. Needs you._**

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**I cannot even begin to express how much I am adoring your reviews to this story. Thank you so much, and I hope you'll stick with me through this journey.**


	4. Chapter 4

4

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Bella looked over at Emmett, who was scowling at her. Putting her book down on her knee, she signed, "Nothing."

Picking her book back up, she tried to focus on her reading, but was struggling. Instead of going inside the house when they got home from school, Bella had opted to sit on the porch. In all honesty, she was doing her best to stay calm, but was failing miserably. The entire day had been one fuck up after another. She'd woken up late, which meant she'd been frazzled all morning. Bella liked routine and order, when things were thrown out of whack it caused her to panic. She managed to keep herself under control, though, while she got dressed, scarfed down some food, and rode to school with Emmett. Normally, she'd hide away until the bell rang, but today she had needed be close to her brother.

Of course, then Edward saw her using sign language, and that sent her reeling again. Everyone knew Bella couldn't speak — not wouldn't, but couldn't. For three years now, they'd been staring at her, gawking at the freak. While using sign language made it easier for her to communicate with her family, Bella hated the way outsiders looked at her when she used it. Life was hard enough without adding that shit to the mix.

Bella hadn't been surprised when Edward didn't show for biology. Whatever was going on with his sister had shaken him. She'd seen it in his eyes the moment he saw Alice standing in the doorway to the library. It was the same look that she saw in Emmett's eyes, in Esme's eyes, in Rose and Jasper's. Shaking her head, she tried to get him out of her head, but seeing as Edward had been infiltrating her silent world all week, she couldn't.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked.

Bella sighed and looked back at him, shrugging her shoulders.

Emmett moved over to her, picked her feet up off the porch swing she'd been curled up in and slid under them, letting them rest on his lap. "Talk to me, Butterbean."

Closing her book, Bella tried to collect her thoughts, but how could she explain the feelings inside of her when she didn't even understand them. Huffing, she began to sign, "I don't know. I'm just having a bad day, I guess."

"Because he saw you signing?" Emmett asked.

Bella shook her head. "Not just that."

Emmett nodded and looked away. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Bella."

She reached out and turned his face back toward him. Bringing her hands up in front of her, she said, "You see how they look at me. Besides, you, Esme, Rose, and Jasper, nobody would understand a damn word I sign."

Emmett smiled. "True."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I just need some time alone."

"Okay, but don't stay out here too long. It's cold and you'll get sick."

Bella nodded and waited until Emmett was inside to pick up her book and attempt to read again. Tried, but failed. Emmett worried too much about her, though she'd never tell him that. Esme might have been the oldest of the three of them, Emmett was the caretaker. Bella knew he felt it was his job as the man of the house to take care of his sisters, Rose, and Jasper, too.

Jasper.

Bella sighed. It had been clear to her at lunch that something was bothering him, but he refused to talk to her. It wasn't until she caught him looking over at Alice that she understood. He worried about her. When Bella questioned him, he got so upset with her. He yelled at her, which he never did, and stormed out. Then he refused to look at her while Emmett drove them back home. It hurt that he was pissed with her. Jasper was her best friend, one of the few people she could trust completely.

After another hour on the porch, Bella gave up on trying to read and headed back inside. Esme was in the kitchen cooking, while Emmett was sprawled out on the sofa, flipping through the channels. Bella knew that Rose was working at the hospital tonight, which meant that Emmett would be up all night. He hated when Rose worked nights. So did Bella, but she knew Rose didn't have a choice, not if she wanted to keep her job.

Slowly making her way upstairs, Bella paused outside of Jasper's room. Bringing her hand up several times, she started to knock, only to pull her hand away. Just as she brought her hand up for the fourth time, the door to Jasper's room opened and she found herself face to face with him.

"Stop being a spaz and get your ass in here already," he mumbled, gesturing to his room.

Bella smiled and walked in, immediately climbing on his bed and curling up against his pillows. Jasper's room was dark, his walls covered in posters of all the bands that got him through the pain and devastation that filled him. Bella knew that feeling, and knew that music was the only way that Jasper was able to deal with everything, which she found ironic. After all, it had been music that led to their downfall in the first place.

Jasper shut the door and joined her on the bed. He tugged the earbuds out of his ears and tossed his iPod on the bed between then. "I can't explain it," he whispered, almost sounding ashamed of himself. "I don't know her, but I hated watching her . . . freak out like that."

Bella reached over and placed her hand on his chest.

Jasper's head lobbed to the side. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. You didn't deserve it."

She shrugged.

"No, you didn't," he insisted, rolling onto his side and facing her. "I just . . . I can't like her, Bella. I can't."

Bella sighed, and brought her hand up in front of her, signing, "I know."

Jasper scooted closer to her and slipped his arm under her, nestling her against his chest. "I don't know what to do."

Bella didn't know either, so she wrapped her arm around him and held him back.

—SW—

"Butterbean, come on," Emmett hollered.

Sighing, Bella dragged her hair brush through her hair one more time before tossing it onto the dresser and grabbed her denim jacket off her bed and ran downstairs. Looking at Emmett, she glared at him, making it clear that she wasn't happy about him rushing her.

"Whatever, Butterbean," he scoffed, and looked over at Rose, who was curled up in the corner of the sofa. She looked exhausted. "You need anything while we're out, babe?"

"Chocolate," she replied with a yawn. "Lots of chocolate."

Emmett, Jasper, and Esme laughed while Bella merely smiled.

"Okay, babe, I'll get you as much chocolate as I can," he snickered before leaning over the back of the couch and kissing her. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Rose whispered, and Bella looked away, feeling like she was interrupting a private moment between her brother and sister-in-law.

Standing up, Emmett cleared his throat and motioned for Esme and Bella to follow him. Bella shared a look with Jasper, who was trying his hardest not to gag, and walked out of the house behind her sister and brother.

Where normally they'd take Emmett's jeep, this time they climbed into Esme's little Kia Sorrento. Esme hated Emmett's jeep so she refused to ride in it. Bella didn't really care which car they took. Sliding into the backseat, Bella put on her seat belt and turned her attention out the window.

Nobody spoke while Esme drove through Forks. The deep greenery whizzed by, and Bella thought wistfully about their many adventures in those very woods. She couldn't count how many times she'd found herself running behind Emmett and Esme, screaming for them to wait for her. Of course they always did. They never left Bella behind, and they certainly weren't going to leave her behind now.

Esme parked in front of the tall, wide building but didn't make an effort to climb out. Instead, she turned in her seat and looked back at Bella. "You ready?"

Biting on her bottom lip, Bella shrugged her shoulders, unsure if she was ready or not.

"We don't have to go in," Emmett said, turning and looking at her. "We can go home, or wherever you want."

Bella took a deep breath and signed, "No, it's okay. I want to see them."

Esme and Emmett shared a look before they opened their doors and climbed out. Bella unbuckled her seatbelt and met them outside. Together the three of them walked into Forks Memorial Hospital. The little old lady working the information desk threw them a sad smile. Everyone in town knew their tragic story, the story of how the Swan family lost it all.

When they got to the elevator, Emmett reached out and pushed the up arrow, rolling on the balls of his feet as he casually looked around the lobby of the hospital, or as casually as Emmett could. Bella wasn't stupid; she knew he was making sure that nobody was staring at her again.

The doors slid opened and the three of them stepped on, letting out a heavy breath when they closed behind them. The music playing in the elevator caused Bella to smile. Charlie loved elevator music. There had been times when he'd ride the elevator three or four times in a row just to hear the music. They used to tease him all the time about it. Reaching up, she brushed a tear off her cheek. Bella knew better than to think of him like that; it always hurt more when she let him invade her memories.

Emmett reached up and placed his hand on her shoulder, silently reminding her that he was right there. Bella appreciated the gesture, probably more than her brother would ever know. The doors opened and Emmett, Esme, and Bella stepped out, walking over to the set of double doors to the left. Esme reached up and punched in a six-digit code into keypad and clicking sound echoed, alerting them that the door was now unlocked.

Hurrying though, they pulled the doors shut behind them, drawing the attention of the nurses standing at the front desk. One of them — a tall, curvy blond — stepped away from the others, a sad smile spreading over her lips.

"Esme, Emmett, Bella, surprised to see you here."

"Yeah, it's been a while," Esme murmured. "How are they, Kate?"

"The same," she replied, shifting her eyes over to Bella. "Hey, sweetheart, you okay?"

Bella shrugged.

Kate frowned. "Well, I'll let you be on your way. Let me know if you need anything."

Bella tried to hide the pain from creeping over her features, but couldn't — not when one simple thought ran rampant through her head: she needed her parents.

Emmett placed his hand on her back, gently nudging her after Esme, who had already started down the hallway. Every time they came back here it seemed to get longer and narrower to Bella. Of course that wasn't true. Esme stopped just outside of the last room on the left and looked over at Bella and Emmett.

With a faint smile on her lips, she reached out and pushed the door open. Bella stepped inside, her legs shaking and her heart racing. Bella stood next to the door, watching as Esme and Emmett walked further into the small room. Sitting in a wheelchair, in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, was Bella's father.

"Hey, Daddy," Esme said, kneeling down next to him.

Charlie didn't respond. He never did. Not once in three years.

Esme reached out and grabbed his hand. "You look good, Daddy. Need a haircut, though. It's getting really shaggy, especially around your eyes."

"Butterbean," Emmett murmured, causing Bella to look over at him. He held his hand out to her, so she slowly walked over, molding herself around him and looked down at her father. She barely recognized him anymore. The once carefree happy man, who had wrapped his arms around her and swing her around the backward, taught her how to ride a bike, and how to catch fireflies was now staring blankly out the window. He wasn't her father anymore, hadn't been since the night her world shattered.

"His color is good," Esme murmured, shifting her eyes up to Emmett and Bella. "Don't you think?"

"I guess," Emmett replied. "He's getting more gray hair."

"It makes him look distinguished." Esme smiled as she brushed Charlie's hair back before taking hold of his hand. Bella could see the hope in Esme's eyes that he'd recognized her and suddenly come back to them. Bella knew he wouldn't. The Charlie Swan they knew and loved was gone.

"Um, hello." Bella looked over her shoulder and saw a tall, thin doctor standing in the doorway of her father's room. There was something about his green eyes that stood out to her, but she couldn't put her finger on it. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Kate told me you were here, and I wanted to introduce myself."

"It's fine," Esme said, releasing Charlie's hand and looking at Bella before she walked over and stood on front of the doctor, who watched her with intense eyes. "I'm Esme Swan. This is my brother Emmett and sister Bella."

The doctor looked from Esme, to Emmett, and then to Bella before turning back to Esme. "I'm Dr. Cullen — Carlisle Cullen. You can call me Carlisle."

"Any relation to Edward and Alice Cullen?" Emmett asked, voicing the question that Bella had been thinking.

Carlisle nodded. "Brother and sister."

"Oh," Emmett replied. "They're students of mine at the high school."

Carlisle nodded again. "Um, anyway, I've taken over your parents' care."

"Why?" Emmett wondered.

"Dr. Gerandy assigned me their cases," Carlisle replied, shifting uncomfortably from the attention.

"I see." Emmett turned back and looked at Charlie. "Still no changes?"

Bella suddenly felt the need to leave. She wasn't sure why or what brought the feeling on, but a panic rose through her that scared her. Pulling herself out of Emmett's arms, she snapped her fingers at him and gestured toward the door, hoping that he'd understand.

"Go down to the lobby. We'll be done in a few minutes," he whispered, through Bella was sure that Carlisle had heard him.

Bella nodded, turned, and moved past Carlisle, who stepped out of her way. However, when she walked into the hallway, she bumped into someone. An ache filled her chest as she looked up and found herself face to face with her mother.

Renee Swan's blue eyes were wide and wild, while her caramel colored hair was knotted and messy. Even after three years, Bella hadn't gotten over the shock of seeing her mother like this. The Renee she remembered had always taken such pride in the way she looked, carrying herself with grace and self-confidence, much like Esme did. Now, though, the woman standing in front of her in a ratty pair of pajamas and a disgusting bathrobe, glaring hatefully at her was a complete stranger.

"You stupid little twat," Renee hissed, grabbing a fist full of her own hair and pulling. "Why can't you watch where you're going? Charlie's looking for me and if you cause me to miss him . . ." She shook her head, scowling at Bella. "Ugly little whore, you're trying to take him from me, aren't you?"

Feeling her body tremble, Bella cowered away, startled by the harshness in Renee's words. She felt Emmett wrap his arms around her, pulled her several feet away and Esme moved so that she was standing between them and Renee. Carlisle was standing in the doorway to Charlie's room with a look of fear and worry on his face.

"It's okay, Butterbean," Emmett whispered. "It's not her, remember? That's not Mom anymore."

"Renee, honey, come on. Let's go see if Charlie's in the rec room," Kate said, rushing up to them and wrapping her arm around Bella's mother.

Bella peeked around Emmett's arm, looking at the woman who'd taught her how to bake brownies, and sang her to sleep every night, the woman who had given her the strength and confidence to be herself.

"She's a fucking bitch, trying to take my boyfriend from me. Thinks just because she'll let him fuck her that he'll want her now!" Renee snarled, glaring at her.

With a look of pity toward Bella, Kate said, "Sorry, she's having a bad day," before she started leading Renee back down the hallway.

Once Renee was back inside her room, Esme looked back at Bella. "Go down to the lobby, Butterbean. We'll be right there."

Clenching and unclenching her fists, Bella nodded and tried to calm down as she pulled away from Emmett and headed to the elevator, but was still struggling when the doors opened and she stepped out into lobby. She found an empty seat in one of the corners, hoping that nobody would notice her. Pulling her knees up in front of her, Bella closed her eyes. Of course they did; everyone in town knew about the Swan's freak of a daughter.

"Butterbean." At the sound of Esme's voice, Bella opened her eyes and found her and Emmett standing in front of her with frowns on faces. "Oh, honey, are you okay?"

She shook her head, because the last thing she was right then and there was okay. There was a reason why they rarely visited Charlie and Renee. Bella struggled enough with the accident that put her parents there, not to mention that led to losing her voice.

Emmett grabbed Bella's hands, dragging her to her feet. "Come on, Butterbean, let's go home."

Sighing, she nodded her head and followed them out to the car. After they stopped and got Rose a bunch of chocolate, they drove back home. Bella climbed out of the car and headed inside without as much as a look back. Closing her bedroom door behind her, she crawled onto her bed, grabbed the picture sitting on her nightstand, and finally allowed her tears to fall — silently.

There were so many things she wanted to say to her parents, things she'd never get the chance to tell them again. She wanted to tell them that she loved them, that she was sorry, and that she missed them. Fuck, she wanted to tell them about school and her life, but she couldn't because Charlie was nothing more than a hollow shell, Renee had turned into a mean and hateful woman who thought she was sixteen again, and Bella — well, Bella had lost her ability to speak.

* * *

**Again, thank you so much for all the reviews! I know there are a lot of questions about whats going on with the Cullen and the Swans, but know that they will be answered sooner or later.**


	5. Chapter 5

5

Edward was sitting on the stairs when Carlisle came rushing into the house, looking like someone had just told him the world was going to end. It felt like it was — again.

"Where's Pix?" he fretted, tugging at his dark hair with one hand while shifting his eyes around the living room.

"Her room," Edward replied.

Carlisle closed his eyes and slid to his knees. "What happened?"

"She fell asleep in class, freaked out, and came running into the library in full panic mode. I managed to calm her down enough to eat. You know how bad it gets when she doesn't eat. Anyway, she wanted to come home so I brought her."

Carlisle nodded. "She hasn't been sleeping. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"She told me you're doing it again," Edward voiced, quietly. Carlisle tensed up but refused to meet his eyes. "Car."

"I — I know. I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"It doesn't help you," Edward said.

"I know," Carlisle snarked, finally lifting his eyes up to Edward's. "I know, Edward. I fucking know!"

"Okay," he muttered, putting his hands up in surrender. "Sorry."

Carlisle shook his head and stood up. "I'll stop. For good this time."

"And if you can't?"

"I will," he tried to assure Edward, but he'd heard those empty promises before.

Edward wasn't an idiot. Carlisle needed help, but he'd refuse to go, just like he and Alice refused to go. Nobody would understand what they'd had to do to get through one day and into the next, and there was no point in pretending otherwise.

"Should I go talk to her?" Carlisle asked, gesturing toward Alice's room.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "If she'll let you in."

Carlisle nodded and walked toward the stairs. He reached out to put a hand on Edward's shoulder, but the younger man scooted out from under his touch and headed into the kitchen. Though he had his back to his brother, Edward knew the hurt would be present on Carlisle's face. He didn't blame Carlisle for anything he'd done, or hadn't done for that matter. It wasn't like he had been the one to commit murder.

While Carlisle went up to attempt to talk to their sister, Edward piddled around in the kitchen, trying to decide what they should do for dinner. He didn't feel like cooking, but he didn't really want to order take-out, either. He didn't want to do anything, but forget every moment of the last two years. However, forgetting wasn't an option.

"She's refusing to talk to me," Carlisle said. Edward looked behind him and found Carlisle standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a defeated look on his face.

"She will tomorrow. I think she just needs to focus for a while," Edward replied. "There's a guy at school. He doesn't look at her."

"And that's bad?" Carlisle lifted an eyebrow.

"No," Edward huffed, "but she wants him to and he doesn't."

Carlisle nodded in understanding. "Probably better if he doesn't."

"Maybe." Edward turned back to the refrigerator. "But it hurts her and she's hurting enough without adding more."

"Aren't we all," Carlisle groused before turning and leaving Edward alone in the kitchen. Closing the refrigerator, Edward sat down at the table, placed his elbows on top, and placed his face in his hands, wondering when the hurt was going to stop.

—SW—

Alice stayed locked in her room all night. Carlisle attempted to talk to her several times before retreating into his room and turning on his music once again. Edward knew Carlisle wanted to help, but he couldn't, not when he was fucked up, too. They all were. There wasn't any point in pretending that they were okay. Alice's freak out at school, Carlisle's path to self-destruction, and Edward's need to keep everyone together was evident of that much.

Carlisle was gone by the time Edward emerged from his room Saturday morning. He found a note taped to his bedroom door, saying that he'd decided to take an extra shift at the hospital, stating they needed the money. Edward wasn't stupid. While they did need the money, he knew Carlisle couldn't handle being in the house when he couldn't help them so he did what he always did: he ran away.

Same Carlisle, same shit, same hollow pain from being left alone.

"Where's Car?" Alice asked, stumbling into the kitchen.

"Hospital," Edward replied, looking over at her. She'd slept, a little at least. "You feel better?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Guess so."

"Hungry?" he pressed.

"Not really." Alice moved over and slipped into the chair next to him, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Is he mad? At me? At us?"

"No," Edward scoffed. "He's worried about you. Tried to talk to you last night, but you were in Aliceland."

"Did you talk to him? About what's he doing?" Alice asked, looking over at him.

Edward nodded. "He said he'd stop."

"He always says that," she grumbled.

"I know." Edward stood up and walked to the fridge, pulling out the eggs and some cheese. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

Edward ignored her and began breaking eggs into a large, glass mixing bowl. "You need to eat," he repeated himself. "Besides, you can't let me eat alone, can you?"

"Guess not," Alice whispered.

Edward quickly whipped them up a couple of cheese omelets and returned to the table. They ate in silence. Once again, Edward knew that as long as he was eating, Alice would as well. When they were done, he cleaned up after them and returned to the table. That's when he noticed the green smudges on the sides of Alice's hands. Reaching out, he pulled one of her hands toward him.

"The forest?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Everything," she replied with a smile. "Everything is green here."

"True," Edward admitted, releasing her hand. "It helps?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes. Keeps me from . . ."

"Sleeping," Edward finished for her. Alice looked away. "You have to sleep, Pix. We can get you something to help."

"I don't need drugs, Edward," Alice snarled, leaping out of her chair and rushing out the room.

Sighing, he pushed himself up and followed her. Alice ran into her room and tried to shut the door, but Edward managed to stop it. When he walked into her room, he had to stifle his gasp. Every inch of her walls were covered in paint. There was no real order to her drawings, either. Lots of green forests were mixed in with the cold concrete, the slick patch of black ice, fiery orange flames, and gushing crimson blood splattered everywhere. Closing his eyes, Edward tried to stifle the guilt soaring inside of him, but failed miserably. The sound of his mother begging for him to hold on for her tormented him — always had, always would.

"Why?" Edward croaked, clenching his hands into tight fists.

"I don't know," Alice whispered. "I thought it would help, but . . ."

"Help?" he snarled. "How does painting this shit on your walls help? All that does is give you a hell to wallow away in, Pix!"

"I know," she cried, wrapping her arms around herself. "I know, I know, I know!"

Edward brought his hand up to his chest, dragging a finger down the scar in the middle of his chest. The pain was easy to remember. They told him with time that it would stop, that it would go away, but it didn't — and he knew it never would. The pain was emotional and mental more than it was physical.

Dropping his hand down to his side, Edward looked around Alice's room, spying a can of white pain in the corner. Ignoring her whimpers, he picked it up, ripped the lid off and threw it on the wall, watching the way it slid down the wall and mixed with the green, grey, orange, and reds. Letting the now empty can drop from between his fingers, Edward stumbled out of her room and into his own, kicking the door shut. Dropping to his knees, he grabbed his hair between his fingers and screamed.

—SW—

"I painted over it," Alice murmured.

Edward looked over and saw her standing in the doorway to his room. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard her open his door. She had white smudges covering her clothes and most of her hands and arms.

"Okay," he replied.

Alice fidgeted in the doorway. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know you are," Edward said. He jerked his head to the side, inviting her into his room. Alice leapt onto his bed, crawling over and curling herself up against him. "You can't do that, though. Living like that is just as bad as what Carlisle does."

"I thought the forest would help," she whispered.

"But it didn't, did it?"

Alice shook her head.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted," Edward murmured.

Alice hummed but didn't say anything. She was mad at him for ruining her work, Edward knew this, but he couldn't bring himself to really care. Alice and Carlisle were all he had left and he couldn't stand back and watch them self-destructing like this — not again. The three of them had been through too much to lose everything now.

"Hey." Edward and Alice looked over and saw Carlisle standing in the doorway to Edward's bedroom. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, why not," Edward deadpanned while Alice sat up with her knees in front of her. Carlisle came over and sat on the side of the bed. "Rough day?"

"Not really," Carlisle said, shrugging his shoulders. "How's everything here?"

"Same shit, different day," Alice murmured.

"Yeah," Edward laughed, though it wasn't funny. Nothing was funny anymore.

"Let's go out to eat," Carlisle said suddenly. He turned to Edward and Alice. "Let's get pizza, or Chinese, or Mexican, but let's just get out of this fucking house for one night."

Edward shifted his eyes to Alice. "Pix?"

"Um," Alice hesitated, pulling on her pant leg, "okay. I guess."

"I need to change," Carlisle said, standing up. "We'll meet downstairs in twenty? Does that work?"

"Yeah, okay," Edward agreed.

Alice simply nodded her head before she climbed off Edward's bed and walked out of his room. Carlisle was almost smiling as he followed her. However, Edward wasn't convinced that they should go out. Alice had had a major break down just a day ago, and had been wallowing away in a den of painful memories. Carlisle was a step away from throwing everything away again, leaving Edward to clean up after him — as he always did.

But they wanted to go, and Edward would go with them, knowing that it would be better if he was there. So, he climbed off his bed and changed out of his sweats and into a pair of jeans, and put on his shoes. Grabbing his wallet and keys, Edward walked downstairs and waited for Alice and Carlisle.

They came down a few minutes later and the three of them climbed into Carlisle's car, Edward in the front and Alice in the backseat. None of them spoke while Carlisle drove them through town. Since Forks was so small, they didn't have a lot of options. There was a small pizza joint, but seeing as it was Saturday night; it was swamped with kids from the high school. One look from Edward and Carlisle kept driving. The last thing they needed was to deal with a bunch of staring assholes.

So, they opted to stop at a small diner that didn't look much bigger than a subway car, but at least they weren't packed to the brim with customers. Slowly, the three of them climbed out of the car and headed inside. The man behind the counter smiled and told them to sit wherever they'd like so they picked a table in the far corner. He dropped off their menus and took their drink order before walking away.

A couple of minutes later, the man was back with their drinks. He'd just placed Edward's Coke down when the bell over the door chimed, indicating someone else was coming in. Instinctively, they all looked over and Edward felt a strange feeling in his chest when he saw Bella Swan walk in with Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and a tall, strikingly beautiful woman with blond hair.

"I'll be right with ya, Esme," the man said, smiling at them.

"All right, Garrett," Esme replied before looking over at them. Her eyes flittered from Alice, to Edward, and then to Carlisle, and she smiled. "Hello, Carlisle."

"Esme," Carlisle muttered, quietly.

While a part of his subconscious wondered how his brother knew Esme, Edward's attention was fixed on Bella, who had her arms folded in front of her and her eyes were locked on his.

"Do you know what ya want?" The man they called Garrett asked, pulling everyone's attention to him.

"Um, not yet," Carlisle replied.

"Okay, just holler when you're ready." He turned and walked over to where the others had sat. "Y'all want your usual?"

"Yeah," they all replied, Bella doing so with a nod of her head.

"Okay." Garrett returned with their drinks a couple minutes later. Once he put them down in front of them, he placed his hand on his hip. "So, um, Kate said y'all visited today."

Edward watched as Bella tensed up, finally shifting her eyes away from his and looking down at her hands.

"Um, yeah. It'd been a while," Esme said, while Emmett leaned over and whispered something to Bella, who nodded her head several times.

"I still can't believe it's been three years." Garrett shook his head and sighed. "Just remember that if you need anything, we're here for you, okay?"

"Thanks, Garrett," the blond woman said, reaching over and placing her hand on Emmett's shoulder. He turned from Bella and gave the woman a sad smile.

Garrett nodded before heading back to Edward, Alice, and Carlisle's table. "Ready?"

"Um, yeah," Carlisle said, clearing his throat. "I'll take a cheeseburger and fries."

Garrett nodded and turned to Alice.

"Grilled cheese," she whispered, while pulling on her long, black hair.

"Want fries?" Garrett asked. Alice shook her head, so he turned his attention to Edward. "For you?"

"Um," Edward muttered, scanning the menu quickly. "Steak sandwich with fries."

"Okay, I'll have that right out." Garrett smiled at them before turning and heading into the kitchen.

Trying to be discreet, Edward looked over at Bella, meeting her gaze. Edward had seen Alice cry enough to know what red cheeks and puffy eyes meant: Bella had been crying. He couldn't explain why the thought of her in tears caused his chest to hurt, but he brought his hand up, dragging his fingers along the long, vertical scar and released a shallow breath. Bella's eyes traveled down to Edward's fingers before snapping back up to meet his.

"Dude, stop staring," Jasper snarled, causing Edward to turn his attention to him. Bella reached out and placed her hand on his, causing Jasper to look at her. She shook her head. "It's rude. He's being rude."

"He's not rude," Alice seethed, causing Jasper to snap his attention to her. It might have been Edward's imagination, but it seemed that his eyes softened when they landed on his sister. "And who are you to bitch at him for being rude when you . . ."

Alice trailed off, falling back in her seat and blowing out a strangled breath.

Edward grabbed her hand. "It's okay, Pix."

"When I what?" Jasper asked, causing Alice to look at him. It almost sounded like he was pleaded with her. "When I what, Alice?"

"You don't look," Alice alleged, turning away from him. "Never look."

"I look," Jasper muttered. "All the time. You just don't see."

"You're right, I don't," Alice whimpered, pulling her knees up in front of her and wrapping her free arm around them.

Carlisle sat there, watching while Alice struggled to regain some of her composure. Edward had to bite back several snide comments as he scooted his chair closer to Alice and placed his hand on the back of her neck. A small sob bubbled from her throat as she fell into Edward's arms.

"Get our food to go," he told his brother before standing up and sweeping Alice into his arms.

"You're not supposed to be lifting her," Carlisle said, standing up. He walked around the table and pulled their sister into his arms. "You get the food, and I'll take her out to the car."

With a stiff nod, Edward agreed, knowing that Carlisle was right. His chest was already starting to ache, but he did his best to ignore it as he walked up to the counter, and told Garrett they wanted their food to go. The man nodded and proceeded to bag up their order. Edward dropped enough cash on the counter to pay for their food before he stuffed his wallet back into his jeans and picked up his order. Turning toward the door, his eyes met Bella's once more. She frowned, but unlike most people it didn't come off as pity. No, Edward had come to realize that Bella used facial expressions as a way to communicate. She didn't pity him anymore than he did her.

Shrugging his shoulders at her, he walked out of the diner and over to Carlisle's car. He'd put Alice in the backseat, where she was curled up in a ball, sobbing into her knees. Sitting behind the wheel, Carlisle had his eyes fixed on the front of the diner and when Edward climbed in, he didn't even bother looking at him.

Once they got home, Edward forced Alice to sit in the kitchen with them while they ate, trying to get her to at least eat a few bites of her grilled cheese sandwich. She managed to get half before she pushed it away, excused herself from the table, and rushed upstairs to her room.

"Was that him?" Carlisle asked. "The boy at the diner."

Edward nodded. "Jasper."

"Why does she care if he looks or not?" Carlisle wondered.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, but she does."

"They'd know what to do," he muttered. "How to help her."

"If they were here, she wouldn't need them to help her. She'd take care of it herself, Car, but Pix . . . she isn't the same girl she used to be. None of us are the same."

"Yeah, I know." Standing up, Carlisle grabbed his and Alice's trash and tossed it before walking out of the room. A few minutes later, Edward heard his music trickling downstairs.

Pushing his half-eaten food away, Edward brought his hand up to his chest once more. He knew it was a bad idea to go out to eat.

* * *

**Wow, I was shocked by the reactions to the last chapter-a good shocked, by the way. Thank you to everyone who has left me a review, or put me or my story on alert. I appreciate each and everyone of you so much. Now, I know the answers are coming out slowly, but I can't rush them. **


	6. Chapter 6

6

Bella hadn't wanted to go to Garrett's for dinner. She hadn't wanted to go out at all, but Emmett was hungry and insisted that they needed to get out of the house. Bella had wanted to stay home and wallow away in the hurt in her heart, the dreadful pain that pulled at her soul. Seeing her parents again, knowing in her heart that they'd never be her momma and daddy again wasn't easy for Bella. Everyone told them that there was always a chance, albeit a small one, but still a chance that they'd come back to her. Five percent. That's how small of a chance it was that Charlie or Renee Swan would ever regain any sense of themselves. Five percent and three years? The odds weren't stacked in their favor.

"Butterbean, move your ass," Emmett yelled from downstairs. "We're gonna be late."

Rolling her eyes, Bella pulled on her jacket, picked up her backpack, and walked downstairs, glaring at her older brother before she signed, "You don't have to yell. I can hear, ya know."

"You were being slow," Emmett said like that made it okay and shoved two pieces of toast into her hands. "Eat. You barely ate anything yesterday, or the day before. Eat this or else."

Bella shook her head and followed him and Jasper, who had been laughing at her, out to the car. She nibbled on her toast while Emmett drove them through town and to school. Jasper had barely spoken two words to anyone ever since Alice Cullen had been carried out of the diner, sobbing into Carlisle's shirt. Honestly, nobody had much to say about Alice Cullen getting carried out of the diner like that.

Rose simply stared at her brother before turning to Emmett and laying her head on his shoulder. Esme fiddled with her silverware, Emmett stared off into space, while Bella just sat there and watched. They weren't like most families who talked about every little thing, trying to ease each other's pain and suffering. Once upon a time, they had Sunday night dinners, and big Christmas', and every other crazy tradition that normal families had. But not anymore, not for them. They weren't normal; they were all freaks in their own little ways.

Emmett parked in his usual spot and Jasper and Bella followed him into the building, ignoring the pointed stares and whispered rumors coming from their classmates. Again, it was something they were used to. Bella knew that most people here suspected that Jasper was her boyfriend or that they were at least having sex, but she'd never seen Jasper in that way and she knew he didn't look at her like that light. They were best friends, brother and sister, each other's saviors.

"Finish your toast and don't be late for class," Emmett said, giving her a threatening look.

Once again, Bella rolled her eyes, but nodded that she would. And she did. Somehow, she forced the toast down her throat because she knew Emmett worried about her, and she refused to add to the burden he carried on his broad shoulders.

When the warning bell rang, Jasper headed toward his first class, while Bella did the same. When she walked into the classroom, her eyes immediately sought Edward out. Almost as if he could feel her looking at him, he turned to her, a smile spreading on his face. She walked over and slid into her seat and looked back at Edward. These were the moments she hated that she couldn't speak, when she had so much to say.

Sighing, she dug through her backpack and pulled out a small notebook and a pen. Scribbling out a quick note, she passed it over to Edward, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth while he read it.

Edward closed his eyes for a moment, before looking back at her. "Pix is okay."

Bella nodded and reached for the notebook, writing, **_And you? Are you okay?_**

When she placed it back on his desk, she saw the way he tensed. "I'm fine."

Bella bobbed her head once more.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

Bella thought about it for a moment, knowing that she could lie to him and tell him that everything was okay, but somehow that didn't fair to him. It was clear that Edward wasn't like most of the boys in their school. No, he had an old soul, one that had seen or been through more than the rest.

Shaking her head no, she answered his question honestly.

Edward inhaled a deep breath and shifted his eyes to Emmett before looking back at Bella. "Have you . . . told anyone about what happened with my sister?"

Frowning, Bella shook her head, shocked that he'd ask her that. Picking up the notebook, she wrote, **_It wasn't my business to tell, Edward. Besides, in case you haven't noticed, I don't have any friends._**

After reading her note, Edward lifted his eyes to her. "Except for Jasper. He's your friend, right?"

Bella nodded, and wrote, **_My only friend._**

This time, Edward frowned. "I kind of thought I was your friend."

Bella's eyes shot up in surprised.

"What?" Edward asked.

She pulled the notebook back into her hands and wrote, **_You want to be my friend?_**

When Edward read what she wrote, his brow crinkled in confusion. "Why wouldn't I?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"You don't have to be my friend, Bella. I have Alice and Carlisle. Just forget it," he muttered.

Huffing, Bella grabbed the notebook and flipped it to a blank page and wrote, **_I don't want to forget it. And I do want to be your friend, but most people don't want to be mine. In case you haven't realized, I'm a bit of a freak._**

Thrusting the notebook into his hands, Bella turned her attention to Emmett when he stood up and started class, lecturing them about the rise and fall of roman literature. Though she could feel him watching her, Bella resisted the urge to turn and look at Edward, afraid of what she'd see. It was clear that he'd been hurt that Bella hadn't counted him as a friend, but it wasn't like they knew each other. Hell, they'd only communicated a few times since Edward moved here a week ago, if you could call what they did communicating.

The minute the bell rang, Bella was out of her seat and the classroom. She was the first one to make it to history and took her seat. Edward showed up less than a minute later. When he walked by her, he dropped her notebook on her desk. Even though she was afraid of what he'd written, Bella found herself picking it up and reading the words scribbled under hers: **_I like freaks._**

Turning in her seat, Bella shifted her eyes up to Edward's, finding him staring right at her. She pointed to the three words he'd written and lifted an eyebrow. He simply nodded, which for some reason caused her to smile. Sucking her bottom lip in between her teeth, she nodded, knowing that he'd understand. They could be friends. At least, until he got tired of her.

—SW—

When the lunch bell rang, Bella grabbed her backpack and waited for Edward to finish shelving the last of the returned books. She'd noticed over the last week that he preferred to work away from the front desk. She suspected that he didn't like interacting with people. Of course, she'd never say anything. It wasn't her place to judge anyone, much less him.

Once he was done and picked up his own bag, they made their way down the hallway in awkward silence. This was the hard part about being friends with anyone who didn't know sign language, not that she had any real experience. As soon as everyone heard how she'd lost her voice, they wrote her off. She didn't care. She still had Emmett, Esme, Rose, and Jasper.

They were almost to the cafeteria when Bella saw Alice waiting for Edward. Reaching out and grabbing Edward's arm, Bella stopped him and pulled him to face her. Trying to be discreet, she pointed to Alice and looked at Edward expectantly.

"Is she going to be okay with us being friends?" he asked

Bella nodded.

"She'll be fine. Just don't expect her to talk much. She's . . . well, she's . . ." Edward trailed off and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Bella grabbed his arm and pulled his hand away from his hair. He looked from her fingers and down to her.

Releasing her hold on him, Bella pulled her cell phone from her back pocket and pulled up a blank message space and typed: **_She doesn't have to be my friend, too, Edward. I just don't — no, I won't — come between you two._**

Turning the phone to him, she held it up so he could read her message.

Edward laughed. "Bella, my sister won't give a shit. Seriously. Pix . . . she's, well, she's just hard to explain, but I can assure you that she won't care."

Bella looked over at Alice and frowned.

"Look, it's okay," Edward said, causing Bella to turn back to him. "You don't want to be friends with my sister, too. I get that, but I can't leave her alone, so whatever. I thought you might get it, but I guess not."

Before Bella could defend herself, Edward walked away from her. She watched as he put his hand on the back of Alice's neck and led her into the cafeteria. For reasons that Bella couldn't explain, an ache filled her chest.

"Sorry, I'm late," Jasper muttered, rushing up behind her. "I swear Dr. Banner fucking hates me. He's giving me detention because he caught me listening to my iPod in class again."

Bella turned her attention from the doors of the cafeteria and looked at him, but whatever Jasper saw on her face, caused him to frown.

"Why are you crying?" he demanded.

Reaching up, she felt the moisture on her cheeks. Bella wiped the remaining tears off her face before signing, "It doesn't matter."

"Hey, it matters to me!" Jasper whispered, leaning toward her. He knew that she'd hate it if anyone overheard them. "Tell me."

Bella shook her head, but told him anyway about Edward and how he'd wanted to be her friend, but then she'd fucked it up because she couldn't tell him that she was worried about hurting Alice when it was clear that she needed her brother. Jasper watched her hands flying in front of her, but never once tried to interrupt. He was good like that; he never told her that her feelings were wrong, or that she shouldn't feel the way she did.

When she was done, she dropped her hands down to her side and sighed.

"Are you sure he's worth it?" Jasper asked, but before Bella could protest, he added, "I'm not saying he's not, or that they aren't, but you and I both know they won't get it — not really."

Bella ran her fingers through her hair before bringing her hands up in front of her. "I think they'll get it more than we think they do."

"But what if you're wrong?" he asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. She didn't have all the answers.

"Do you want me to talk to him for you?" Jasper asked, but he turned his face away from hers and Bella knew that while he would do it, he'd have a hard time of it because of Alice. He cared for her more than he wanted to admit — to her or to himself.

Placing her hand on his cheek, she turned his face toward her and shook her head. She wouldn't push him to step outside of his comfort zone any more than he would her. She needed Jasper too much to risk him breaking down on her.

* * *

**Thank you so much for the reviews! **


	7. Chapter 7

7

Edward was an asshole. As he walked away from Bella, he knew his words had hurt her. Alice had been there for him so many times, holding his hand when he struggled to take a breath without it hurting, crying with him when the reality came crushing on top of him. Alice and Carlisle were all he had left, and he couldn't risk either of them just to be friends with Bella.

Placing his hand on the back of Alice's neck, he pulled her into the cafeteria.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"I'm fine," he replied, dryly. "What do you want to eat?"

Alice shrugged his hand off, which was a first. Normally, she found his touch comforting. She turned and looked at him. "Tell me."

"It's nothing, Pix," Edward growled, shifting his eyes around the room in an effort to make sure nobody could hear them. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Fine, whatever," Alice mumbled, and Edward immediately felt like an even bigger asshole. Now, he'd hurt Alice's feelings, too.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked.

Alice shrugged her shoulders. Yep, she was pissed with him all right.

Sighing, Edward placed his hand on the back of her neck again and led her over to the food line. Alice didn't push his hand off, but she didn't speak to him as he ordered them each a chicken sandwich, an order of fries to share, and a couple of Cokes. They'd just sat down at their usual table when the doors to the cafeteria opened again and Edward immediately looked over, watching Bella and Jasper come in. They looked at Alice and Edward for a long moment before turning away. Clearing his throat, Edward pushed his tray away and brought his hand up to his chest.

"Was it her?" Alice whispered. "Did — did she say something?"

"No, she didn't say anything, Pix," Edward muttered and leaned toward her. "She . . . I . . . We were going to be friends, or try to at least."

"And she doesn't want to be your friend now?" Alice's brow crumbled.

Edward pursed his lips together before saying, "I don't know. It's complicated."

"Complicated how?" his sister pressed.

"Just complicated," Edward groused.

Alice looked over her shoulder and watched as Bella and Jasper settled at their table. "He looked at me today. I don't know if it's because what I said, or what, but he looked at me."

"Why do you want him to look at you?" Edward asked.

Alice sighed and turned to Edward. "Because he's supposed to. I can feel it."

"Feel it?" Edward snorted and looked over at Jasper and Bella, finding his eyes locked on her brown ones. "What does it feel like, Pix?"

"Like being normal again," she whispered. "Like they're still here, and we laugh and smile again. Carlisle doesn't . . ."

"But they aren't here. And we don't laugh or smile, Pix." Edward hated that he had to be the voice of reason here, but it wasn't going to do Alice any good to live in the world of 'what if.'

"I know, Edward," she gritted out.

"Sorry," he murmured.

Alice huffed. "It's not stupid to wish that things were different."

"I never said it was," Edward replied. "But it's not going to help, either."

She shifted her eyes over to Jasper. "I know."

Neither of them ate their lunch, having lost their appetite. When the bell rang, they gathered their trays and dumped their uneaten food before leaving. Alice sighed wistfully as she walked toward her class and Edward did the same as he headed toward his. He arrived before Bella, and took his seat, pulling out his book, a notebook, and a pen before letting it drop to the floor.

A couple of minutes later, Bella walked in and looked right at Edward, who couldn't seem to turn his eyes away from hers. It had been a problem he'd had since he'd arrived at Forks High School. Bella slid onto her stool and pulled her out her own book, notebook, and pen before letting her bag drop to the floor, too. Sighing, she reached out and placed her hand on Edward's arm.

Edward felt the urge to cover her fingers with his, or lift her hand up to his lips and place a kiss on her knuckles, but he didn't. Instead, he just sat there, staring at her. Frowning, Bella pulled her hand away and turned from Edward. The simple act hurt more than it should. Why did he have a feeling that if they'd meet in another life, they would have been great friends?

Biology passed at a slow and painful pace and trig wasn't any better. Every time Edward looked up, he found Bella staring at him, but unlike how it was with the rest of their classmates, it didn't make him feel comfortable. Quite the opposite, actually. When Bella looked at him, Edward felt like maybe, just maybe, there was hope out there. He just didn't know what that hope was for and it confused the hell out of him.

When the final bell rang, Bella sprang out of her seat, dropped a folded piece of paper on his desk, and rushed out of the room before he could even blink. With a nervous hand, Edward picked up the paper, unfolded it, and read the words written out for him in beautiful handwriting: **_I like freaks, too._**

Edward refolded it and stuffed it into his pocket before grabbing his bag and making his way to his locker. Was Bella saying what he thought she was? That she wanted to be his friend, Alice's friend, maybe even Carlisle's friend? Shaking his head, Edward bit back a groan. Why did life have to be so fucking complicated all the time?

Alice was standing at his locker when he walked up,

"Hey, Pix," he murmured, opening his locker and shoving his books inside. When he looked down at her, he noticed the tear stains on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered, and looked away.

However, Edward didn't believe her. He moved so that he was standing in front of her and gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger, turning her head to face him. "What's wrong?"

"I heard someone talking about me," she whispered. "About us. The things they said . . ." Alice shuddered. "People suck."

"Who was it?" Edward asked.

Alice sighed and looked around before pointing to the end of the hallway, where a couple of freshmen boys stood watching them. When they saw Alice and Edward turn their direction, they quickly rushed out of the building. Edward considered going after them, teaching them a lesson, but knew all that would do was get him in trouble, and cause Alice to worry. She had enough to deal with without adding his shit to the mix.

"Come on, Pix, let's go home," Edward said, closing his locker.

When they walked out of the school, they saw Emmett towering over the two boys in question, and based on their body language, whatever he was saying to them wasn't good. Bella and Jasper were standing behind Emmett. When they looked over and saw Edward and Alice coming out, Bella reached out and tapped Emmett on the shoulder. He looked back at her, and Bella gestured in Edward and Alice's direction. His facial expression softened, and he waved the two boys off.

Alice slipped her hand around Edward's arm as they walked toward his car, which was parked next to Emmett's jeep. Bella, Jasper, and Emmett stared at them, which didn't make either of them feel any less uncomfortable.

"Hey, guys," Emmett said, shifting his eyes to Bella and Jasper and then back to then.

"Mr. Swan," Edward and Alice murmured together.

"Um, well, have a good evening," he said, before clearing his throat and walking around to the driver's side of the jeep and climbing in.

Jasper stepped away from Bella and started toward the passenger side when he stopped in front of Alice. Though he didn't look at her, Edward heard him say, "If they say anything about you again, tell me and I'll handle it, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Alice whispered.

Jasper nodded before he opened the door to the jeep and climbed into the backseat. Edward looked over at Bella, who had a soft smile on her lips. With a small wave to Edward and Alice, she walked over and climbed into the jeep. Once she had the door shut, Emmett started it up and left.

Sharing a look, Alice and Edward climbed into his car and they headed home. As she usually did, Alice headed upstairs. Edward turned toward the kitchen, but Alice's cry snapped his attention upstairs and he rushed up, finding her standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Nudging her out of the way, Edward felt the air leave his lungs when he saw Carlisle leaning against the bathtub with a washcloth pressed against his left forearm — a washcloth that was soaked with blood.

"It won't stop," he muttered, looking at Edward with wide eyes. "I didn't mean to cut so deep."

"Pix, help me," Edward said, moving into the bathroom.

Together, Alice and Edward managed to drag Carlisle to his feet. Edward kept his arms around his brother as they made their way downstairs and out to his car. Alice climbed into the backseat, and held Carlisle against her while Edward drove them to the hospital. During the short trip, Carlisle kept muttering that he was sorry, that he hadn't meant to press down so hard, or so deep.

Stopping outside of the emergency room, Edward helped Carlisle out, wrapping his arm around him and helping him inside. There were half a dozen people in the waiting room, and of course, each and every one of them stopped and stared at them.

"Oh my," someone behind the triage desks gasped. She stood up and came running out and Edward recognized her as being with Bella at the diner the other night. "I need a gurney out here," she called out, moving to Carlisle's other side and trying to help support him.

A moment later, one of the other nurses came bursting through the double doors of the emergency room with a gurney. They managed to get Carlisle on there without hurting him and started rolling him through the back. Edward and Alice went to follow, but the blond from the other night put up a hand to stop him.

"Wait out here," she said.

"No," Alice cried. "He needs us."

"Sweetheart, I'm gonna go take care of him, but I need you to stay here and try to calm down, okay?" she said, grabbing Alice's hand and holding it tight.

Alice nodded, turning to sob into Edward's chest. The nurse's face crumbled before she released Alice's hand and rushed into the back, leaving them standing there with nothing but fear on their faces and their brother's blood on their hands.

—SW—

Eventually, Edward pulled Alice into the back corner of the waiting room and settled her on his lap while they waited for someone to come out and tell them . . . anything. Minutes ticked by and still, they heard nothing. Alice had stopped crying, but was still clutching onto him like he was the only person she had left. Maybe that's how she felt. Finally, the doors to emergency room opened and Edward looked up to see the blond nurse looking around for them. When she saw them, she motioned for them to follower her, so they did.

Each step felt like a mile as they walked through the double doors and over to the small room where they'd taken Carlisle.

The nurse paused outside of his room, and looked at them. "He might be a little . . . loopy. We had to sedate him in order to stitch up the cut."

"How many stitches . . . ?" Edward asked. "I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"Call me Rose, and fifteen. The cut wasn't pretty," she replied, pushing open the door to his room and gesturing for them to walk in.

Carlisle was lying on his left side, his arm stretched out in front of him while his other arm was wrapped the front of his body.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." And with that said, Rose turned and walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind her.

While Alice stayed next to the door, Edward walked around the bed, pulling the rolling stool over and sitting down. "You said you were going to stop."

"I tried," Carlisle whispered. "But I could see them standing in front of me, hear them asking me to choose again and again. And . . ."

"You promised me," Edward growled. "You promised Pix that you would stop. You could have died, Car!"

"I know," he cried, turning and burying his face in his pillow. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."

Edward reached out and placed his hand on Carlisle's arm, offering him the only comfort he could in that moment. Nothing he said to his brother was going to make the difference, at least not right now. They'd been here and done this so many times over the last couple of years — too many times.

Eventually, Carlisle cried himself to sleep.

A while later, the door to Carlisle's room opened again and Rose came back in with two cups of coffee and what looked like two sandwiches. "I didn't think you'd want to leave him to go eat, so I thought I'd bring dinner to you. Sorry it's not more."

"It's fine, thanks," Edward muttered, looking over at Alice. "Come eat, Pix."

"Not hungry," she whispered from her seat next to the door.

Edward sighed. "When can he leave?"

"Um, not till morning at least," Rose explained, looking at the door. "The doctor should be here soon to talk to you."

"Just tell me," Edward said, shifting his eyes up to Rose. "Please."

"Your brother lost a lot of blood so we're giving him a transfusion to help, but . . ." Rose trailed off and looked over at the door again.

"But what?" Edward asked.

Rose turned back to him. "I really shouldn't say anything, it's not my place, but I saw the other scars. He needs help."

"We help him," he insisted, standing up.

"I'm sure you're doing the best you can, but your brother is cutting himself. He has a problem and needs a trained professional to help him control the urges."

"So what do you suggest?" Edward snarled. "That we commit him? That's not happening! He's all we have left!"

"Okay, calm down," Rose said, putting her hands up in front of her. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to come home one day and be too late."

"There has to be another solution," Edward mumbled, looking over at Alice. She had her knees pulled up in front of her, rocking back and forth. Edward moved over to her, kneeling in front of his sister. Placing one hand on the back of her neck, he drew her into his arms. "It's okay; I won't let them take him away from us."

The door to Carlisle's room opened once more and his doctor came in. An older man with slick black hair and dark eyes, he looked from Rose, to Carlisle, and then back to Edward and Alice, who was trembling in his arms.

"I'm Dr. Gerandy," he said, offering Edward his hand, but pulled it back when Edward scoffed. "Carlisle is lucky that he didn't cut any deeper. If he had, he wouldn't be here right now."

Alice began crying harder.

"When can we take him home?" Edward asked him.

"In the morning," the doctor replied.

"And . . ." Edward took a deep breath. "Is this going to affect his job here?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, son. It's not my decision."

Edward shook his head. "Are you keeping him here in the ER, or sending up to a regular room?"

"We'll keep him here unless we have a major trauma and need the room. It will be . . . easier for all involved that way, I think."

Nodding, Edward stood up with Alice still tucked into his arms. "We're staying, too."

"I'm sorry, but you can't —"

"Dr. Gerandy, may I speak with you outside, please?" Rose asked, shifting her eyes to Edward and Alice for just a split second. The doctor nodded and they left the room.

Edward moved toward Carlisle, but Alice pulled out of his arms and shook her head. "I can't."

"All right, Pix," he said, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

"Sorry," she whispered before sliding back into her chair.

"Don't be," he murmured and returned to the stool he'd abandoned. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Carlisle's arm.

A few minutes later, the door to his room opened again. Edward expected Dr. Gerandy to come back in, but instead it was Rose. She was carrying two blankets and two pillows.

Placing them on the bottom of Carlisle's bed, she looked from Alice over to Edward. "If you need anything, just hit the call button and I'll be here as soon as I can, okay?"

"Um, yeah, okay," Edward stammered. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, eat those sandwiches. I'll see if I can't hunt down a Popsicle or some Jell-O. Can't promise it will be edible, though." Rose smiled at them before she turned and walked out of the room.

Edward looked over at Alice, picked up one of the sandwiches, and tossed it to her. "You heard her."

"Whatever." However, Alice pulled the wrapping off the sandwich and began eating. Mimicking her actions, Edward did the same and settled in for a long night in the emergency room.

* * *

**Yes, I know! I didn't want to hurt Carlisle, but he's going through a lot and doesn't listen to me! Thank you for all the reviews!**


	8. Chapter 8

8

The afternoon was pure agony for Bella and she knew why: Edward was mad at her. What she couldn't figure out, though, was why she hated that he was mad at her? She shouldn't care about what this boy thought about her, or if she'd hurt his feelings, right? Sure, she knew he was different than the other, but it didn't take much to be different than the assholes that went to Forks High School.

Shoving her books in her locker, Bella walked to Emmett's classroom, getting there just as he was walking out.

"Hey, stranger, we've gotta stop meeting like this," he laughed, nudging her with his shoulder.

Bella tried to smile, but knew it didn't come off right.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked.

Bella shook her head, not ready to take to her brother right now. Besides, she wasn't sure he'd understand. Emmett had Rose to hold him every time he cried. Bella didn't have anyone, and couldn't see that changing anytime soon.

"Okay, well, I'm here when you're ready to tell me," he said, nudging her with his shoulder again.

They were almost to the jeep, where Jasper was waiting for them, when a couple of freshmen boys passed by them, laughing under their breath. Bella didn't think anything about it until she heard one of them say, "You know Edward and Alice Cullen are totally into that incest shit. There's no way they're that close without some freaky shit going on. Though, I can't really blame him for hitting that ass, it's fucking tight."

Bella's mouth fell open at the thought of these boys saying such horrible things about Edward and Alice. And seeing as Emmett spun on his heel, grabbed the back of their shirts and dragged them back to him, he'd heard and was just as appalled by their conversation as she was.

"I know that I _did not_ just hear you make accusation about two people that you know nothing about," Emmett seethed. The boys cowered away from him, but he didn't let them get far. "If I ever hear that you say one word against either of them again, I will make sure that the consequences of your actions are severe. Am I clear?"

Bella looked over and saw Edward and Alice walking out of the building. The last thing they needed to deal with right then was these two little punks. Tapping Emmett on the shoulder, Bella motioned toward Edward and Alice when he looked back at her.

Releasing a heavy breath, Emmett gritted his teeth together and waved them off. "Get out of here."

The boys nodded and ran off, clearly afraid. As Edward and Alice walked up to them, Bella noticed the way Alice clutched onto Edward. They were closer, closer than normal siblings, but seeing as Bella, Emmett, and Esme were close, too, she understood their relationship and hated that people judged them without knowing who they were.

"Hey, guys," Emmett said, shifting his eyes to Bella and Jasper and then back to them. Bella resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He was trying too hard to sound nonchalant.

"Mr. Swan," they murmured together.

"Um, well, have a good evening." Emmett cleared his throat and walking around to the driver's side of the jeep and climbing in behind the wheel.

Jasper stepped away from Bella and started toward the passenger side when he stopped in front of Alice. Though he didn't look at her, he muttered, "If they say anything about you again, tell me and I'll handle it, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Alice whispered.

Jasper nodded before he opened the door to the jeep and climbed into the backseat. Bella smiled and waved to Edward and Alice before she walked over and climbed into the jeep. Once she had the door shut, Emmett started it up and left.

When they arrived home, Jasper locked himself in his room while Emmett tossed a load of laundry in the washer and started on dinner. Rose would be home from work in a couple of hours and Esme had another appointment so Bella knew that he wanted to have dinner ready when they got home. So while Emmett tended to their dinner, Bella settled in the living room and began working on her homework.

However, she couldn't get Edward off her mind: the look on his face when he basically told her to fuck off, when he turned and walked away from her. Why did she feel this need to make everything better? Her life was a big enough of a mess without adding the stress of a boy into the mix.

The sound of the phone ringing pulled Bella out of her inner ramblings and she watched as Emmett rushed into the living room and answered it.

"Hello . . . Hey, Rose . . . What? You've already worked a twelve hour shift," Emmett grumbled, but a moment later his eyes widened and nodded. "Okay, call me later and let me know if I can do anything . . . I will. Love you, baby . . . bye."

Emmett hung the phone up and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Bella snapped her fingers at him, causing him to look at her.

Bella brought her hands up and signed, "Rose working late?"

"Um, yeah," Emmett said, clearing his throat. "Patient needs her to stays so . . ."

Bella nodded, knowing how important Rose's job was to her. She cared for her patients and their families, and Bella knew a lot of that had to do with how they'd all been treated after the accident. Needless to say, their experience hadn't been great, but then again, nothing about the accident could be considered great.

"Maybe we should wrap up a plate and take it to her," Bella signed. "She's got to be hungry."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Emmett murmured, turning and heading into the kitchen. Bella stood up and followed him. Once he had a plate filled and covered with foil, he turned and looked at her, seeming to be shocked that she was standing behind him. "What?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I'll go with you."

His eyes widen. "No, you should stay here. You know what the hospital does to you."

Huffing, Bella grabbed the plate from his hands and walked out of the house, leaving him there yelling for her to stop. By the time Emmett caught up to her, Bella was already in the jeep and waiting for him. Climbing in next to her, Emmett groaned, but started the jeep and headed toward the hospital.

He pulled up outside of the emergency room and they headed inside. The nurse at the triage desk waved them back, knowing that they were there to see Rose. Bella spotted her coming out of a patient's room. She turned and looked at them just as the door opened behind her and — to Bella's astonishment — Edward came out.

"Rose, where can I get . . ." Edward trailed off when he looked over and saw Bella standing there next to Emmett. "What — what are you doing here?"

Bella just stood there, unsure what to do. Lifting the plate in her hands, she motioned to Rose.

"Oh, um." Edward looked over his shoulder and said, "I'll be back" before shutting the door behind him.

Dragging his hand across his face, Edward grabbed the back of his neck with one hand while bringing his other hand up to his chest, dragging a finger down the middle do his chest. Bella had noticed that it had been a habit of his and wondered why he did it.

"I wanted more coffee," Edward muttered, shifting his eyes to the floor.

Rose looked over at Bella. "Show him where the pot is?"

Bella nodded, handed Rose the plate of food, and folded her arms around herself before walking over to Edward, who shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Taking a deep breath, Bella held her hand out to him, trying to keep from trembling when he wrapped his fingers around hers. She led him through the emergency room and to the doctor's lounge.

Normally, they weren't allowed in there, but the staff in the emergency room took pity on Bella and often let her hide in there when they came by to visit Rose at work. Grabbing a foam cup for him, Bella filled it with dark roast and gestured to the creamer.

"Black," he said.

Bella nodded as she handed him the cup.

Edward took a sip, grimacing. "It's takes like shit."

Bella gestured to the clock.

"Probably been there for a while?" he asked and she nodded. "Great."

Bella pulled the cup from his hand and picked up the nearly empty pot before walking to the sink and dumping both of them out. Putting up a finger to tell him to wait, she filled the glass pot with water, walked back over to the machine, and poured it in the back. Then, she removed the old filter, put a new one in, added several spoonfuls of coffee, and started a new pot.

"You make a lot of coffee?" Edward asked.

Bella nodded. Rose was a bitch in the morning if she didn't have hers, and when an even bigger one if she came home from the nightshift without a full pot waiting for her. Emmett attempted to make it for her, but either he used too much coffee beans, or not enough so Bella took over and always had a pot ready for her.

Once the pot was ready, Bella refilled his empty cup and held it out to him. Edward took it, taking a tentative sip. When he moaned, Bella smirked.

"Yeah, okay, so it's good," Edward scoffed, shaking his head. Sighing, he asked, "Why are you here?"

Bella frowned and gestured to the door, trying to remind him of the dinner that they'd brought Rose.

"No, I mean here. In this room with me," Edward said.

Bella pulled her lip between her teeth, before reaching into her back pocket for her cell phone. Just like she'd done earlier that afternoon, she typed out her message and showed him the phone.

"You need a friend," Edward read. Closing his eyes, he seemed to struggle to collect himself. "Why do you want to be my friend?"

Bella grabbed her phone from him, erased the old message, and typed a new one. Pushing the phone into his hands, she used her eyes to plead with him to read it.

"Why do you assume that I don't want to be your friend? Or Alice's friend?" Edward murmured, but refused to look at her. "Do you?"

Huffing, Bella snapped her fingers to get him to turn toward her and when he did, she nodded.

"There are things . . ." Edward shook his head and brought his hand back up to his chest. Out of instinct, Bella placed her hand on top of his, causing him to flinch back. "Don't fucking touch me!"

Startled, Bella took several steps back.

Edward blew out a heavy breath. "I'm sorry. Just don't . . . I don't like people touching me. Especially there."

Bella opened her mouth several times, while trying to blink back her tears. With trembling lips, she slowly reached out and grabbed her cell phone from him, typing out a new message. Holding the phone out to him, she felt a tear slide down her cheek.

Edward frowned as he took the phone from her and began to read the message. "I'm sorry for offending you. I didn't mean to. I'll leave you alone now."

Before he could say anything else, Bella grabbed her phone out of his hand and rushed out of the lounge, letting the door close behind her. Tears filled her eyes, and she desperately tried to keep them from falling as she made her way back through the emergency room. Emmett and Rose were leaning against the wall across from the room Edward had just exited.

"Bella, wait!" Edward called at the same moment the door to the room opened.

She looked over and saw Alice standing in the doorway, but behind her, she saw Carlisle lying on the bed with bandages wrapped around one of his arms. Spinning around, Bella looked from Alice, to Carlisle, and back to Edward.

"Edward," Alice said, causing him to look from Bella over to her. "He's waking up."

"Okay, Pix," Edward murmured. He walked over to the room, pausing to look back at Bella. "I'm sorry."

Without another word, he walked into the room and shut the door. Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and blinked rapidly as she shifted her attention to Emmett and Rose, both of whom were frowning.

"I'm gonna go wait in the car," she signed.

"Okay, Butterbean. I'll be right there," Emmett whispered.

Wrapping her arms around her torso, Bella walked out of the emergency room and climbed into the car, pulling her knees up to her chest. Emmett came out a few minutes later, but didn't say anything as he drove them back home. Esme and Jasper were sitting in the living room when they walked through the door.

"Hey, where were you?" Esme asked, looking from Emmett to Bella. "Butterbean, what's wrong?"

Shaking her head, Bella brought her hand up to her mouth.

"We, um, took dinner to Rose," Emmett explained, placing his hand on Bella's shoulder. However, she shook it off and headed for the stairs. "Bella!"

Ignoring him, Bella walked upstairs and closed herself in her bedroom. Climbing on her bed, Bella cried for Edward, Alice, and Carlisle, all of whom were hurting and there was nothing she could do to help.

* * *

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! Everyone still in for the ride?**


	9. Chapter 9

9

Carlisle drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the night, murmuring about being sorry, about not meaning to cut so deep. Edward knew that a part of Carlisle believed the load of shit that he was spouting, but he'd been through this enough to know that a part of him — albeit a small part — pressed the blade into his skin with the intention of ending his life.

Alice tried to keep her eyes open, but Edward knew she was emotionally exhausted, so at around two in the morning, he grabbed one of the blankets Rose had brought them and motioned for her to stand up. Alice huffed but did as he told her. Edward pulled one of the other chairs around the bed so that it was in front of him and sat in the one she'd been in, grabbed her hand, dragged her onto his lap, and covered her with the blanket, holding her against his chest. Placing his legs on the other chair, he pressed his lips against the top of Alice's head and whispered, "Sleep."

Though he knew Alice didn't want to, she nestled herself into his embrace and let him hold her, let him fight off the memories for a while. She'd worry about being too heavy for him, worry about hurting him, but he'd insist that he was fine, even though it was a lie. Edward wasn't fine, or okay, or all right, or any other word that meant the same. Edward was tired of trying to keep everything together, of trying to protect his brother and sister. He just wasn't sure how to make everything better.

Just after four in the morning, the door to Carlisle's room opened again and Edward looked over to see Rose come in. She looked from Carlisle over to Edward and then to Alice. A small sigh slipped out of her lips as she shifted her blue eyes to Edward.

"Want me get her a cot?" Rose whispered.

"No," he murmured. "She won't sleep in it."

Rose nodded. "Need anything? More coffee?"

Edward nearly snorted. "I think six cups is more than enough."

"Probably," Rose laughed, quietly. Moving over to Carlisle, she gently picked up his wounded arm and checked his bandages. "How long has he been cutting himself?"

"Too long," Edward replied.

Rose carefully placed his arm back onto the bed and turned to look at Edward. "May I ask about your parents?"

"Dead," was all he said, tightening his arms around Alice.

Rose nodded and walked over to him. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she sighed. "He should be able to go home in a few hours. Just — just hang in there."

"I am," Edward whispered, the two words coming out thicker than he'd like. The last thing he needed was for Rose to tell Bella that he'd cried. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Edward." Pulling her hand off Edward's shoulder, Rose left.

Two hours later, Carlisle began to stir once again. The groan that erupted from his chest woke Alice, who sprang to her feet and looked around the room with wide, wild eyes. Edward stood up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. He placed his hand on the back of Alice's neck as he leaned in and kissed her forehead, but then released her and walked over to Carlisle's bedside.

Carlisle looked up at him, his green eyes full or sorrow and grief. "What time is it?"

"Around six," Edward murmured, sitting on the rolling stool again. Placing one elbow on the side of Carlisle's bed, he brought his other hand up to his chest, which Carlisle noticed.

"Your chest hurts," he stated.

Edward nodded, knowing it wasn't going to do him any good to lie. They'd had enough lies in their lifetime. "Just sore from sitting too long."

"You should have gone home," Carlisle muttered, looking away from him.

"Probably," Edward agreed. "Why, Car? Just tell us why."

Carlisle closed his eyes and rolled onto his back. "I don't know. I just . . . I'm weak, I guess. I don't know."

"And stupid," Alice grumbled. Carlisle opened his eyes and looked over at her. "You promised after Chicago that you'd stop. You looked me in the eye and fucking promised me, Car!"

"I'm sorry, Pix," he cried, his lips and chin trembling.

"You're always sorry," she whispered, sliding into the seat Edward had just been sitting in. Pulling her knees up, Alice wrapped her arms in between her legs and her body, laying her head on top, and they knew she was done talking to him.

Carlisle shook his head and looked away.

The door to Carlisle's room opened and they all looked over to see Dr. Gerandy, Rose, and another man walk into the room. Rose looked nervous and tired. Edward wondered how long she'd been working. Most nurses worked the seven to seven shift and they'd brought Carlisle into the emergency room before five the evening before. Had she worked a double just because of them?

Edward shook his head and turned to Dr. Gerandy. "Can he leave now?"

"Um, in a few minutes," the doctor said. He gestured to the man standing next to Rose. "This is Mr. Volturi from the hospital board. He needs to speak to your brother for a moment, in private."

Edward felt his shoulders tense as he looked from Dr. Gerandy over to Mr. Volturi. He was an older man, probably closer to seventy than he was sixty. He had salt and pepper hair, and dark eyes. Shifting his attention from him to Carlisle, Edward knew he had to leave, but how could he when his brother needed him?

"Come on, Edward, Alice. I'll get Carlisle's discharge papers ready for you so you can take him home," Rose said.

"Okay," Edward mumbled, standing up. He placed his hand on Carlisle's arm. "We'll be right back."

Carlisle simply nodded. Edward's legs felt like lead weights had been wrapped around his ankles as he crossed the room. He grabbed Alice's hand, dragging her to her feet, and they followed Alice out into the hallway. As the door to Carlisle's room shut, Edward saw the fear and apprehension on his brother's face. Unfortunately, this was one battle that Edward couldn't fight for him, no matter how much he wanted to.

Rose led them around the nurses' desk and grabbed a stack of papers. "Okay. He'll need to get the stitches removed in a week. If he'd prefer, he can call me and I'll remove them. Also, Dr. Gerandy has prescribed him an antibiotic to keep the wound from getting infected and I'm sending you home with some bandages." Rose paused and looked from Alice to Edward. "He's also written a referral to a psychiatrist, someone who Carlisle can confide in, someone to give him the help he needs."

Edward and Alice tensed, but Rose put up a hand.

"Look, you're doing the best you can for your brother and none of us are arguing that with you, but you can't do it alone. Trust me when I say that I understand the need to try to keep everyone from falling apart, but if you don't ask for help, you're going to lose him."

"You don't know shit about us," Alice snarled, before spinning on her heel and walking back to Carlisle's room.

Edward brought his hand up to his chest and turned back to Rose, who was watching him closely.

"You okay?" Rose pointed toward his chest.

Edward nodded, dropping his hand to his side. "He won't go. I've tried before to get him to get help, but he refuses. What more can I do, Rose?"

"Just keep pushing," she said, quietly. She pulled a card from the front pocket of her scrub top and held it out to him. "I've written my home and cell number for you. If you need me, just call, okay? Anytime."

Edward's eyes burned with tears as he accepted the card, shoving it into the back pocket of his jeans. He was touched by her concern. The last time they found themselves in the hospital like this, the nurses had been rude and hateful, accusing and mean. For once, Edward almost felt like someone out there really understood how hard every day was for him, Alice, and Carlisle.

"Thanks," he whispered, trying to hold himself together.

"You're welcome," Rose replied.

The door to Carlisle's room opened and they looked down to see Dr. Gerandy and Mr. Volturi walking out. Alice threw a pleading look in Edward's direction so he excused himself and strolled down there. Placing his hand on the nape of Alice's neck, they strode into Carlisle's room, finding him sitting on the side of his bed.

"You ready?" Edward asked.

Carlisle nodded, but didn't say anything.

Rose came in with a wheelchair. When Edward made to help Carlisle off the bed, she shooed him away and slipped her arms around him, helping him off and into the chair. Looking him in the eye, she simply smiled, telling him that she was there to help. He just wasn't sure why she'd want to offer assistance to someone she didn't know.

Edward and Alice followed them out of the emergency room. Rose waited with Carlisle while Edward and Alice pulled the car around. Alice stayed in the backseat while Edward and Rose got Carlisle settled in the passenger seat. Edward shut the door and had barely taken a step when Rose grabbed his arm. When he looked back at her, she leaned toward him and said, "Don't forget what I told you, okay?"

Edward nodded before pulling his hand out of her grip and rushing around to the driver's seat. He started the car, shifted into drive, and drove away without another look back. When they got back to the house, Alice sprang from the car and ran inside. Edward knew she'd be locking herself in her room. Sighing, Edward helped Carlisle inside and to the sofa.

"Where is it?" he asked.

Carlisle refused to meet his eyes when he said, "Under the bathroom sink."

"Are there more?" Edward pressed.

Carlisle shook his head.

"Stay here," Edward ordered before turning and walked upstairs to the bathroom.

Sure enough, tucked under the sink was a plastic bag with a handful of straight blades, alcohol wipes, and bandages. Making sure that he had all of them, Edward walked back downstairs. Carlisle was still sitting on the couch, just as Edward had told him to do. Edward walked outside and straight to the trashcans, tossing the bag inside before heading back into the house. He moved over and sat on the coffee table in front of Carlisle, who was staring at his feet.

"Did you lose your job?" Edward asked.

"No," Carlisle replied. "They've put me on probation. Said that if anything else like this happens again, I'm gone."

Edward nodded, surprised that they were giving him a second chance. The other places hadn't thought twice before kicking his ass out the door. "What else did they say?"

"They told me I needed to get help, to . . ." Carlisle shook his head and brought his right hand to his face while cradling his left arm against him. Edward watched as his shoulders began to shake and heard the muffled sobs coming from his brother. Sliding off the coffee table, Edward sat on the couch next to Carlisle, wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him so that he was laying his head in Edward's lap, offering the only support he could at the moment.

* * *

**Thank you for all the amazingly supportive reviews. This story is totally owning my ass right now, and the emotions that it's pulling out of me are overwhelming at time, and I hope that I am getting that across in my writing. Now, I know that there are some out there who don't understand why Carlisle wouldn't seek help, seeing as he's a doctor, but you have to remember that he's only human and dealing with a lot. I know you're all itching to get to the bottom of this little mystery, but I promise answer start being revealed in a few chapters. **


	10. Chapter 10

10

Rose stumbled through the door while Bella, Emmett, Jasper, and Esme were eating breakfast. Well, while the others were eating breakfast. Bella hadn't had an appetite, but she did manage to eat the piece of toast that Emmett practically shoved into her mouth, knowing that he wouldn't let it go until she did. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before, having spent the entire night locked away in her room and crying into her pillow.

"Hey, babe," Emmett said, standing up and hugging his wife. "You want to eat before you get some sleep?"

"No," Rose whined, but dropped into the chair next to him.

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she reached over and tapped Rose on the shoulder. When her sister-in-law looked at her, she signed, "Are they okay?"

Rose pursed her lips together before she responded. "For now."

Nodding, Bella pushed her empty plate away and looked out the window.

"Um, are who okay?" Esme asked, looking between them all.

Bella cocked an eyebrow, surprised that Emmett hadn't told Esme or Jasper about them seeing Carlisle, Edward, and Alice in the emergency room the night before.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Emmett cleared his throat. "Um, when Butterbean and I took Rose some dinner, we, um, saw Edward, Alice, and Carlisle Cullen in the ER."

"Why?" Esme gasped, sitting up in her seat.

"You know I can't tell you, Esme," Rose replied. "All I can say is that — for now at least — everyone is okay."

Esme blew out a heavy breath, which Bella found odd, but figured she was just worried about Edward since he was one of her aids. "Thank God."

"Well, we should get to school," Emmett said, clapping his hands. Standing up, he leaned down and kissed Rose. "Love you. Get some sleep."

"I will, and I love you, too," she murmured.

While Esme started piling the dishes into the sink, Emmett, Jasper, and Bella headed toward the front door. However, before Bella could follow them out, she felt Rose grab her arm. When she looked back, Rose wrapped her arms around Bella, pulling her in to a tight embrace.

"You're an amazing woman, Bella," she whispered, kissing the side of her head. "I love you."

Bella pulled away from her, frowning as she signed, "I love you, too."

"You'd better get going," Rose whimpered before turning and heading back into the house.

Though she was confused, Bella pulled the door to the house shut behind her and walked down to the jeep, climbing inside. Neither Emmett nor Jasper asked her about Rose's impromptu hug, though they knew it was uncharacteristic for her to be so touchy. It wasn't that Rose didn't tell them that she loved them, or that they ever doubted how much she cared, but Rose wasn't one of those who showed her feelings through physical contact.

Emmett parked in his usual space and the three of them headed inside, ignoring the pointed stares and hushed whispered as they walked toward their first period classes. Bella settled in her desk while Emmett got ready to teach his class. She watched the hands on the clock slowly clicking away until the room filled with students and the bell rang.

No Edward.

Bella wasn't surprised, just disappointed. She'd gotten so used to seeing him sitting behind her, to feel his penetrating gaze upon her that not having him here made her feel . . . odd. It wasn't normal, not in regards to someone she barely knew. Though, in so many ways Edward knew Bella better than anyone.

"Bella." She looked over as Emmett called out her name, surprised to see the classroom almost empty. "You're gonna be late for your next class."

Nodding, Bella stood up, grabbed her backpack, and headed toward history, fighting off the uneasy feeling creeping over her.

The morning flew by in a hurry. Bella struggled to focus on her work and she knew her teachers were getting frustrated with her, however she couldn't care. When the lunch bell rang, Bella waved goodbye to Esme and slowly walked to the cafeteria. Looking up, she expected to see Alice standing there, waiting for Edward, but she wasn't. Again, the feeling of disappointment washed over her, leaving her feeling anxious and confused.

"Hey," Jasper said, walking up behind her.

Bella looked over at him, trying to smile but it just didn't feel right.

"You okay?" he asked.

Shaking her head, Bella knew she couldn't lie to him, not to Jasper. Besides, he'd see right through her anyway.

"Edward and Alice?"

Bella nodded.

"Yeah, me too," he muttered. "I kept expecting to see her there, but . . ."

Jasper blew out a heavy breath, looking like he was trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. Bella grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him toward the cafeteria, hoping to distract not only him but herself as well. They grabbed a burger from the food line before settling at their usual table, both their eyes drifting over to where Edward and Alice usually sat. They'd only been there a week, and already it felt odd and strange not to see them sitting across the room, whispering to each other.

"Was it her?" Jasper whispered, causing Bella to look over at him. "Hurt. Was — was it her?"

Bella bit her lip before shaking her head.

Jasper blew out a relieved breath, causing Bella to smirk. "Don't."

She smiled.

"Bella," he groaned. "It doesn't mean anything."

Sliding her hand over onto his arm, Bella gave it a simple squeeze, trying to tell him that she understood. It meant everything, because not seeing Edward here — meant everything to her, too.

The lunch bell rang and they headed off to class. As she had done that morning, Bella stared wistfully at the empty stool next to her. Dr. Banner rushed into the classroom and started his lesson, although Bella couldn't focus on what he was lecturing over. The look in Edward's eyes, the anger in his voice when she covered his hand raced through her mind. He'd been so upset with her, so angry and bitter, yet she couldn't find it in herself to be irate with him. No, she knew he was dealing with something larger than her.

"Bella!" She snapped her head around, finding Dr. Banner standing at the end of her lab table, one hand leaning against the black top, while the other was perched up on his hip. "If you can't pay attention, feel free to leave my classroom. Is that understood?"

Nodding quickly, Bella blinked back the tears that threatened to slip from the corners of her eyes. Sighing, he turned and began lecturing again and Bella pushed all thoughts of Edward out of her head and tried to focus on her work. Normally, her teachers ignored her, knowing that she did her work and earned her grades, but today, Dr. Banner had yelled at her.

—SW—

By the time school was over on Friday, Bella was in a horrible mood. Neither Edward nor Alice had been back to school all week, and the populous was buzzing to why they'd suddenly dropped off the radar. Bella tried very hard not to listen to the rumors, but more than once she'd passed someone in the hallway and heard someone say they'd left town in the middle of the night, which quickly morphed into rumors that Carlisle had been arrested on child abuse charges. Once those reasons had been discussed to death the accusations turned nasty and rumors of them having an inappropriate relationship spread like wildfire.

Bella struggled not to let her anger at her classmates show, not that they would have listened to her. The same people that she'd spent her childhood growing up with had turned their backs on her the moment things got hard and ugly. They hadn't wanted to live in her world, and she wouldn't force them. Besides, if they couldn't accept her for who she was now, she didn't need them anyway. She had Esme, Emmett, Rose, and Jasper. They loved her, even when she pushed them away.

Shoving her books into her locker, Bella hiked her backpack on her shoulder and made her way out of the building. The sky was full of thick, angry clouds that had been threatening to pour their wrath down on them.

"Where have you been?" Emmett asked when she finally reached the jeep. She was ten minutes late.

Shrugging, she gestured to the school, not in the mood to explain her attitude to him or Jasper. Tossing her backpack into the jeep, Bella looked around before signing, "Gonna go for a walk. Be home later."

"You okay?" Emmett asked, stepping toward her, but Jasper put his hand out, stopping him.

"She just needs to walk, Em," he whispered.

Emmett nodded, and stepped back. Bella threw Jasper a grateful look before she wrapped her arms around her torso and started walking. Sometimes, when she found herself overwhelmed by everything life threw at her, Bella would go for long walks, trying to find a way to gain some control over the rampant of feelings raging inside of her.

She'd been walking for an hour when a silver Volvo drove past her, pulling over onto the side of the road. Bella stopped and watched as Edward climbed out from the driver's seat and turned toward her. He leaned against the side of his car, watching her intently.

Releasing a heavy breath, Bella walked over to him, leaning against the car next to him. Lifting her eyes up to him, she smiled. Digging her cell phone from her back pocket, she typed out a quick: **_Hi._**

Edward smiled. "Hi."

**_Are you okay?_** Bella typed out, handing him her phone.

"Am I okay?" he murmured. Shaking his head, he said, "No. I am . . . so far from being okay."

Bella pulled her phone back and typed, **_Want to talk about it? I'm a really good listener. I never interrupt!_**

Edward almost smiled. "Everything is just . . . fucked up. I don't know." Dragging his hand over his face, he turned so that he was facing her, propping his arm on the side of the car. "My brother has issues, and I don't know how to help him anymore. I just don't know what to do."

Bella puckered her lips and waited for him to continue.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you that night. I didn't mean to. It's just . . ." Edward trailed off and leaned his head against the arm resting on the car. "Did you tell anyone about what you saw?"

Bella frowned and shook her head, shocked that he'd even ask. But then, he didn't know her well enough to trust her.

Blowing out a deep breath, Edward nodded. "Thanks. It's hard enough being new around here without adding more shit, ya know?"

Bella nodded and typed out a new message to Edward.

He took her phone and read it out loud, "It's not because you're new, it's because you're different. I've lived in Forks my entire life and people stare and whisper about me all the time." Edward shifted his eyes over to Bella. "Have you ever been able to speak? Were you born mute?"

Bella bit her lip and looked away.

"I'm sorry. That was rude of me to ask," Edward mumbled, turning and leaning against the car again.

Sighing, Bella pushed away from the car and grabbed her cell phone from Edward. Her fingers flew across the touch screen keyboard, trembling as she typed out her message to Edward. Closing her eyes, she held the phone out to him. His fingers brushed across hers as he slipped it from her grasp.

"No, I wasn't born mute. I lost my voice a few years ago," Edward read. "That must have sucked."

Bella opened her eyes and looked at him, noticing the frown playing on his lips. She nodded.

"There's nothing the doctors can do to restore it?" he asked.

She shook her head no. They stood there in awkward silence for several minutes, neither of them sure of what to say to the other. Sucking on the inside of her cheek, Bella lifted her cell phone up and typed a new message before handing the device to Edward.

"I have to get home before Emmett comes looking for me," he read. Lifting his eyes up to hers, he asked, "Can I give you a ride?"

Bella shook her head.

"Are you sure? I don't mind," he offered again.

Biting her bottom lip, Bella nodded.

A look of relief flooded Edward's face, which confused Bella. Was he worried about her walking alone? The thought was absurd, of course. She knew this town better than he did. Bella directed Edward on how to get to her house with a series of hand gestures, telling him which way to turn. He pulled up in front and shifted into park.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later," he mumbled. "Thanks for, you know, just listening to me ramble on."

Bella leaned across the seat, cupped his cheek in her hand and turned his face toward her. Hoping that he'd be able to see the words she so desperately wanted to speak, but was unable to say, Bella pressed her lips against his cheek.

She climbed out of his car and headed inside, closing the door behind her and releasing a deep breath. A feeling of relief filled Bella's heart. Edward was okay — for now at least.

* * *

**Thank you so much for all the reviews!**


	11. Chapter 11

11

Edward was exhausted. Pure and simple, he was fucking exhausted. For four days, he'd barely been sleeping, afraid that the minute he closed his eyes that Carlisle would find a way to hurt himself again or that Alice would need him and he'd be too fucking tired to help. So he didn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, drank a ridiculous amount of coffee, and busied himself around the house, all in an effort not to go insane.

Now, here he was driving away from Bella's house. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to stop and talk to her. Edward had left Alice to watch over Carlisle, telling her that they needed groceries and that he would hurry, but he wasn't in a rush to get back to the house. When he saw Bella walking, he felt this pull, this need to talk to her.

Edward didn't understand why he felt this pull to Bella. Sure she'd been one of the only people in Forks who hadn't stared at him — at least not in a bad way, but Edward still wasn't sure why seeing her made his heart race, or why when he felt her lips pressed against his cheek, a feeling of warmth flooded his system.

Shaking his head, Edward parked in one of the parking spaces in front of the grocery store and headed inside, grabbing a basket, and making his way up and down the aisle, filling the cart with enough food to get them through the next week.

"Edward?" He stopped and looked behind him, finding Rose standing there with her own shopping basket.

"Oh, um, hi, Rose," Edward muttered, unsure what to say. One of the good things about Chicago had been not running into the people from the hospital after Carlisle had one of his close calls, but he figured that's just how small towns were. Everyone knew everyone's business.

"How's it going?" she asked, pushing her basket up next to his. He noticed that hers — compared to his — had more fresh fruit and vegetables in it. Edward's basket had chips, sodas, canned fruit, and such.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Good."

"And, um, Carlisle's okay?" she asked, nervously.

"I guess," Edward sighed. "He's been sleeping a lot."

"That's normal," she replied, nodding and looking around.

"Yeah, I know," he grumbled.

"Not the first time he's gone that far?" she asked, and Edward shook his head. "Figured as much."

"He doesn't mean to let it get so bad, he just can't . . ." Edward trailed off, unsure why he was trying to get Rose to understand anything about his brother. "He tries, he really does, but it's hard and . . ."

"Edward, he needs help from someone who knows what they're doing," she whispered.

"I know, but he won't go and . . ." He shook his head, shifting his eyes up to her. "Have you told anyone?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "First, my job prevents me from telling anyone, and I take my job seriously. Second, it's not my story to tell. I just worry about the three of you."

Edward nodded and brought his hand up to his chest, feeling a dull ache radiating.

"Are you okay?" she asked, pointing to his chest. "You rub your chest a lot."

"I'm fine," he grumbled, letting his hand drop to his side.

"You are anything but fine, Edward," she retorted. "You're barely hanging on. I know that you're trying to be strong for Carlisle and Alice, but in all honesty, you look like shit."

Edward felt an anger growing inside of him as he glared at her. "You think you know anything about me? About us? You don't!" he snarled, causing Rose to slink backward. "Pix locks herself in her room every night, painting hell on her walls because she can't get the images of our parents' death out of her head. And Carlisle? He can't stand to look at either of us because we're just another reminder of how his life has been ruined, and you know what? It's all my fault. If I hadn't . . ." Edward trailed off as tears sprang up in his eyes and a shaky breath fluttered between his lips. "It would have been easier for them if I'd just died."

"Edward," Rose breathed, bringing her hand up to her mouth.

"Just don't," he muttered. "I can't deal with this right now, Rose."

Edward took several steps back and turned his basket around, heading in the opposite way. As he turned to go down the next aisle, he nearly ran into Esme, who was standing there watching him with wide, tear-filled eyes. And he knew she'd heard everything. Closing his eyes for just a moment, he pushed his basket past her and continued on with his shopping, knowing that he was truly fucked now. He'd said too much, given them a reason to pity him. They'd go home and tell Bella, who'd feel sorry for him, Alice, and Carlisle, too.

Grabbing a couple loaves of bread, a gallon of milk, and some more eggs, Edward proceeded to the front, where he waited while the checker scans all of his groceries. As he passes over his cash, he saw Esme and Rose walking toward him. Shifting their eyes over, they meet his gaze, and just as he expected, he sees pity and sorrow in their eyes. Shaking his head, he grabbed his change from the cashier, pulled his grocery bags out of the hands of the bagger, and headed out to his car, all while trying to stifle the panic raging inside of him.

By the time he got back to the house, Edward had managed to calm down, but still felt like the earth was trembling beneath him. Climbing out of his car, he grabbed the groceries and headed inside, surprised to see Carlisle and Alice in the living room.

"Where have you been?" Carlisle asked, looking at the clock. "You've been gone for over an hour."

"Sorry," Edward muttered.

"Where were you?" his brother asked again, standing up. Edward's eyes dropped to the dressing wrapped around his left arm, just another reminder of how fucked up they all were.

"I drove around for a few minutes, and then went to the store," Edward said, leaving out the part where he ran into Bella and Rose. Carrying the groceries into the kitchen, he began to unload them.

"Pix was worried," Carlisle grumbled. "I can't believe _you'd_ make her worry."

Letting the carton of eggs fall from between his fingers and crash onto the floor, Edward turned and glared at Carlisle. "I made her worry? Are you fucking kidding me, Car? You nearly died four days ago because you'd rather slide a blade against your skin than talk to us, but I'm the one who makes her worry?"

Carlisle clenched his jaw. Edward brought his hand up to his chest, trying like hell to get the ache to go away. Of course, Carlisle noticed, and his eyes widened. "Your chest still hurting?"

Edward nodded, but dropped his hand and turned his attention to the groceries.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"You always say you're sorry, but you don't stop," Edward replied, stowing the empty plastic bags under the sink. He placed his hands on the counter and looked at Carlisle. "You're going to kill yourself, and you don't give a fuck about what it will do to me or Pix, so don't stand there and pretend that you do, Car. Just stop pretending that either of us means shit to you."

Pushing away from the counter, Edward left Carlisle standing there and walked back into the living room, finding Alice sitting on the stairs, tears silently falling down her face. Placing his hand on Alice's shoulder as he walked by, Edward headed up to his bedroom, kicked the door closed, and crawled onto his bed, once again letting the tears he'd been fighting for days fall into his pillow.

—SW—

Monday morning, Edward crawled out of bed, showered, and dressed for school, trying to figure out how he was going to get through the day without losing his shit. Carlisle was going back to work, under strict supervision, and Edward and Alice had to return to school after spending the last week making sure that Carlisle didn't finish what he'd started.

After Edward lashed out at Carlisle on Friday, his brother had tried to talk to him, begging him to let him into his room, but Edward refused. He couldn't deal with his guilt, not when he had his own bubbling to the surface. And make no mistake, Edward knew that everything was his fault. After all, his parents and Alice had been on their way to see him.

Shaking his head, he grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs, unsurprised when neither Alice nor Carlisle were in there. They'd both spent the last two days locked inside their rooms, only coming out when it was time to eat. They were at a standstill, unsure of where to go from there. Was this the end of their little family? Would they ever be able to just be again?

Edward didn't have the answers to those questions. Like so many things, he didn't know what to do or how to make anything better.

"Hey," Carlisle said, causing Edward to look over at him. He was leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, dressed in a pair of blue scrubs, with a long sleeve shirt underneath in an effort to hide the cut on his arm. "Want me to make some breakfast?"

"No," Edward scoffed. "I had some cereal."

"Oh." Carlisle nodded and walked over to the table, sitting on the far end, about as far away from Edward as he could get. "Guess I need to write you a note for school or something."

"I took care of it," Edward replied. "You know I can sign your name better than you can."

A smile almost filled Carlisle's face, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "True."

"Morning," Alice mumbled, walking into the kitchen and sliding into her usual chair. Pulling her knees up, Edward noticed the orange smudges on her hand. Grabbing it, he lifted it up and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Pumpkins. I painted pumpkins. Actually, I painted that little patch we used to go to over by the lake."

Edward nodded and released her hand, unsure whether or not he should believe her.

"Maybe we should get some real ones for the house," Carlisle suggested, leaning forward in his chair and placing his elbow on the table. The sleeve on his left arm pulled up, showing the bandages on his arm.

"You need to get the stitches out today," Edward said, gesturing to his arm. "And you can't do them yourself this time, either, so don't even try."

"I know," he muttered, dropping his arm off the table. "I'll stop by the ER and see if Rose is working. She seemed okay."

"If she isn't working?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," Carlisle said, pulling his attention away from Edward. "We should definitely get some pumpkins, though."

He snorted, grabbed his backpack from the floor, and stood up. "Pumpkins aren't going to make shit better, Car. Call Rose, don't call Rose, I don't really care anymore."

Edward walked out of the house and climbed into his car, with Alice following him. They didn't speak as he drove them to school, parking next to Emmett's jeep. Cutting the engine, he just sat there, staring out the window.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you hadn't been sick?" Alice whispered, causing Edward to look over at her, but she wasn't looking at him.

"Every day," he replied, honestly.

"I made them promise that I'd get to say goodbye," Alice whimpered. "I didn't want you to be alone at the end. Mom and Dad had come to my art show, and . . ."

"I know," Edward whispered, closing his eyes.

Alice didn't say anything else before she scrambled out of the car. Edward's eyes flittered open and he found himself staring at Bella, who was standing in front of the school. Reaching out, she placed her hand on Alice's arm and smiled — a simple gesture that Edward knew meant more than she was letting on.

With a look of shock on her face, Alice turned to Edward for a moment, before she shrugged Bella's touch off and walked inside. Grabbing his backpack from the backseat, Edward climbed out of the car and headed up to Bella, who had a frown on her face.

"Don't take it personal," Edward said, causing her to look over at him. "Pix likes you."

Bella bit her lip and cocked an eyebrow at him. Pulling out her cell phone, she typed out a message and held it out to him. Edward took it from her, tensing at the words on the screen, **_And you? Do you like me, Edward?_**

Holding the phone back to Bella, Edward leaned over so that his lips were just outside of her ear and whispered, "More than I should."

Bella grabbed the front of his shirt, and he felt her fingers brush across his chest. With wide eyes, she pulled the panels of his shirt apart just enough to see the top of his scar. Her eyes shifted up to his, but before she could question him, Edward pulled himself away from her.

"Don't," he murmured and turned, walking into the building and leaving her standing there.

Alice was waiting for him just inside the doors, but didn't say anything to him about Bella. They shuffled down the hallway, ignoring the lingering stares, and walked into the office. Ms. Cope looked up at them, her expression once again morphing into one of pity. Edward clenched his jaw tight as he walked up to the counter, slapped their note down.

Mr. Cope flinched but picked it up, reading over the excuse he'd written out for them. "A — are you both feeling better?"

"Yes," they replied, knowing that she didn't believe for a second that they both were sick, but whatever. Excuse their absence, don't excuse it; neither of them really cared.

"Good, good," she blabbered.

Edward placed his hand on the nape of Alice's neck and pulled her out of the office before Ms. Cope could question them further. Taking a deep breath, he kissed the top of his sister's head and released her, watching until she'd grabbed her books from her locker and headed to class before he turned and did the same.

By the time he made it to class, Bella was already there. Her eyes lifted and met his, causing Edward's heart to flutter in his chest. He didn't understand why he reacted like that to her, why he felt the need to be close to her, but he did, and fighting the urge only caused him to hurt more.

"Edward, nice to have you back," Emmett said, causing him to break his eyes away from Bella.

"Um, thanks," he murmured. Clearing this throat, he walked over and sat down at his desk, finding Bella's notebook laying on top.

**_For what it's worth, I like you more than I should, too. _**

* * *

**Holy Heavy confession right there! Thank you for all the reviews! As always, you're all totally and completely amazing and touching my heart with your support.**


	12. Chapter 12

12

Bella sat there watching Edward, waiting for him to laugh or tell her to fuck off, anything that would make it clear that she'd been stupid for leaving her notebook on his desk like that. She hadn't been able to stop herself, though. He'd told her that he liked her more than he should, which Bella understood. She shouldn't want Edward to be in her life, not when everything around her was fucked up.

Emmett cleared his throat, calling class to order and starting his lecture on roman literature. Bella turned around in her seat, facing the front, but she could feel Edward watching her, feel his eyes penetrating straight through to her soul. Why was he so important to her? She didn't know him, not his middle name, birthday, favorite color, or anything, yet she felt this need to be close to him. It was almost like Edward was the only person who understood how she felt and knew who she really was.

When the bell rang, Bella gathered her stuff and nearly sprinted out of the classroom, trying to get a grip on herself. Edward had her reeling and all it had taken was the feel of his breath ghosting across her skin. Sliding into her desk, she brought her hand up to her forehead, trying to calm the ragged breath causing her chest to heave. When she saw the scar on his chest, she understood why he didn't want her touching him, but the urge to feel him was intense and overwhelming.

"You shouldn't," Edward whispered taking his seat behind her and she looked back at him. "Like me. You really shouldn't like me."

Bella shrugged her shoulder. Whether or not she should or shouldn't, that didn't matter anymore.

Edward shook his head and leaned toward her. "How'd you lose your voice?"

Frowning, Bella shifted her eyes around the room, not really wanting to have this discussion with everyone around them. It wasn't a part of her life that she discussed, not even with her family. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head, hoping like hell that he'd understand her silent wish.

"I thought they already knew," he murmured.

Bella nodded, because for the most part they did.

"Then why not tell me?" he asked.

Pulling her notebook from his hand, she wrote, **_Because then you'll look at me differently, too. I don't want you to see me as a freak, Edward. _**

Bella handed him her notebook, watching his eyes narrow as he read her words. Shifting his gaze up to hers, he frowned. "You think I won't want to be your friend just because you can't speak?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, unsure of that was the real reason or if she was more afraid that if he knew the truth that he'd blame her, too.

"I'm not that shallow, Bella. I don't . . ." Edward trailed off and shook his head. "I've never had a friend before. Not a real friend. My brother and sister don't count, so don't use them as an example. And I definitely wouldn't let you go just because you can't speak."

Biting her bottom lip, Bella reached out, letting her hand slide over his as she grabbed the notebook and pulled it back in front of her. Scribbling, she tried to calm her racing heart, knowing that she was putting herself on the line with him. She slipped the notebook on his desk, watching once again as he picked it up and read her words.

"I destroy everything I touch, Edward," he read, before shifting his eyes up to hers. "Yeah?"

Bella nodded.

"Me too," he murmured, dropping the notebook on the desk and bringing his hand up to his chest. "The odds were stacked against me from day one, Bella. If I'd . . ."

Bella grabbed his hand, trying to encourage him to finish, but Mr. Davis stood up and started their history class. Sighing, Bella released her hold on his hand and turned toward the front, but swore she heard Edward whisper, "If I'd just died when I was born like I should have, everything would have been better."

For reasons, Bella didn't understand, hearing him wish for death had her heart aching and her eyes filling with tears. Could she live in a world where Edward had never existed?

—SW—

When Spanish was over, Bella packed up her belongings and followed Edward into the hallway. History and Spanish had dragged by, and Bella had so many questions, but she wasn't sure if she asked if Edward would answer them. Heading straight to the library, Bella dropped her bag on the floor and looked around for Esme, but couldn't see her. Moving around the counter, Bella looked for a note or something from Esme to explain where she was. Sure enough, sitting by the computer was a piece of paper. Reading over it, Bella frowned and handed it to Edward.

"Bella, and Edward," he read, "I have a meeting with Mr. Greene, so you're on your own until I get back." Edward nodded and placed the note on the counter. "Mr. Greene is the principal?"

Bella nodded, and pulled out a sheet of blank paper from the printer, and scribbled a quick note, **_Yeah. He's a bastard, who has a thing for Esme._**

Edward read her note and frowned. "She doesn't like him?"

Shaking her head, Bella made a gagging face, which caused Edward to smile.

"Oh," he replied, leaning against the counter.

Bella slipped the paper from his hands and wrote, **_Tell me about your scar._**

Edward's hand automatically went to his chest when he read what she'd written, and his eyes closed. Bella immediately felt guilty for asking him when it was clear that he didn't like to talk about it. Reaching out, she slid her fingers across his other hand, causing his eyes to open and he peered down at her with an intense expression.

"I — I had a heart transplant," he murmured.

Bella's eyes widen. Sliding her hand off of his, but keeping her focus on him, she walked around the desk, and stopped in front of him. Slowly — oh so slowly — she brought her hand up and placed it in the middle of his chest.

"Bella," he breathed, thickly.

Bringing her other hand up to his face, she cupped his cheek, while feeling the scar beneath his button-up shirt. Taking a deep breath, Bella pushed the first button through the hole, and then moved on to the second one. Edward was breathing heavily, but he didn't attempt to stop her. Undoing the second button, and then the third, she pushed his shirt apart, shifting her eyes to his chest. Straight down the middle was a long, vertical pink scar. Bella brought her hand up, placing her hand on his skin.

"It's ugly, isn't it?" he murmured, causing Bella to lift his eyes up to him.

She shook her head, because to her nothing about Edward was ugly.

"Bullshit," he spat, pulling himself away from her and furiously re-buttoning his shirt.

Bella slammed her hand down on the counter, causing him to look at her. When he did, she pointed to his chest and shook her head, desperate for him to believe her.

"Stop it!" he yelled. "Stop thinking there is anything about me worth shit! I'm damaged, Bella. I have been since the day I was born!"

Bella shook her head again, refusing to believe that bullshit.

"I was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, meaning the left ventricle of my heart never developed correctly. The doctors realized pretty quickly that I wasn't healthy, and within a few days of my birth, I underwent my first open-heart surgery. The damage was more severe than with most babies, and the only hope — if there was such a thing — was a heart transplant." Edward paused and brought his hand up over his face, dragging it through his hair. "Can you imagine hoping that someone else dies just so you can live?"

Bella shook her head.

"I've had dozens of heart surgeries in my life, Bella. They'd go in and repair my heart over and over, giving me more time, but within a year, I'd be sick again because the patches wouldn't hold. I spent more time in the hospital as a child than I did at home," he said, blinking back his tears. "Fuck, the hospital was my home."

Bella moved over to him, wrapping his arms around him, unsure why she felt the need to soothe him.

"Two years ago, just after Christmas, the doctor told parents that the repairs wouldn't work any longer. My only hope was if a heart became available. I'd already been in the hospital for three months, and each day was getting harder," he murmured, sliding to the floor and leaning against the desk. Bella curled up around him, needing to be close to him. "The odds weren't stacked in my favor, but my mother, she never lost faith that a heart would come to me. My father did everything he could to keep strong for her, for us, but he was scared. Fuck so was I! I didn't want to die. I was a fucking kid, and I wanted a chance to live, to be able to be normal.

"For two more months, I tried to hold on, Bella. Every night my mom would sit next to my hospital bed, holding my hand and telling me that tomorrow would be the day, but it never was. I was in so much pain; it was unbelievable how much just breathing hurt. On February fourteenth, the doctor called my mother and told her that I wasn't going to make it through the night. They had me so doped up on painkillers that I wasn't really lucid, but I can remember him telling her to get my dad, Carlisle, and Alice, that if they wanted to say goodbye then they needed to get there soon." Edward's eyes closed and he shuddered. "The last thing I remember was the doctor telling me to hold on until they could get there, to give them this last chance to say goodbye."

Placing her hand on his cheek, she turned his face toward her and lifted an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue.

"I woke up a few days later, finding Carlisle sitting next to my bed. My chest ached, and taking a simple breath had me cringing. He looked up at me; his eyes were full of so much pain, Bella. I don't know, I'd never seen my brother hurt like that. Carlisle had always been so strong and encouraging, you know? He'd just graduated from medical school and was preparing to start a surgical internship. He's a fucking genius. Graduated high school at sixteen and had been offered scholarships to Yale and Harvard, but turned them down so that he could go to school University of Chicago. He wanted to be close to us, you know?"

Bella nodded.

"I looked around for my mom and dad, for Pix, but they weren't there. It was just Carlisle. I remember drifting back off to sleep, thinking they'd just gone to eat and that they'd be back when I woke up, but they weren't. When I came to, I was alone. I could hear Carlisle talking to someone just outside of my room. He must have seen me awake, or something, because he came back over to me and grabbed my hand. He had tears in his eyes as he told me that my parents and Pix had been in a car accident on the way to the hospital."

Bella gasped, but Edward continued to speak. "The roads had been very slick with ice and my dad lost control of the car. When he overcorrected, the car flipped several times before skidding into other lane and being struck by another car. My dad died on impact, and Pix, well, she was trapped in the backseat. The car caught fire and she got burned on her legs, up her back, and on her neck. She has a lot of scars, and is very self-conscience of her appearance."

Bella grabbed Edward's hand, bringing it up to her lips, wishing that she could do more for him.

"My mom was declared brain dead at the hospital," Edward whispered, causing Bella to shift her eyes up to his. "She was a match to me, so they asked Carlisle for permission to harvest her heart and transplant it into my chest, Bella," he cried, his breathing ragged and heavy. "My mother died because I needed a heart, and hers was a perfect match."

* * *

**Thank you for all the reviews! Some of you had figured out what had happened with Edward. Just a tip, next chapter, Bella shares.**


	13. Chapter 13

13

The door to the library opened and Edward snapped his attention toward it, finding Esme walking in. Appearing flustered, she looked from the desk, down to where he and Bella were sitting, and frowned. However, before she could say anything, Edward scrambled to his feet, grabbed his backpack from next to the door, and pushed his way past her, bumping into Esme and causing her to stumble into the door.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he took off running down the hallway.

Bursting through the front doors of the school, Edward gasped for air, struggling to deal with everything that had just happened. He'd told Bella about his heart, about how weak and pathetic he was. How could he be so stupid? He knew that she'd never understand. None of them ever did. Throughout his childhood, he'd felt the harsh pain of reality when people found out about his health. The few times he'd been healthy enough to attend school, they had stared at him, gawking at the boy who stumbled down the hallway with his portable heart monitor like he was nothing more than a circus act.

The sound of the doors opening behind him caused him to turn, and he found Bella standing behind him. She had a frown on her face, yet he didn't feel like she was rejecting him. Could Bella be the only person to accept him completely and without judgment?

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen for me," Edward said, shaking his head. "I was supposed to get a stranger's heart, and finally be a real member of my family, instead of the boy who was too weak to play with my brother and sister. But now, Pix is afraid to sleep because she has night terrors from the accident. She spends night after night painting her memories on her bedroom wall, wallowing in a hell that she will never really be free from because of the scars that cover her body."

Edward paused, dragging his hand over his face and through his hair, aware of the slow mist that was swirling around them.

"Car cuts himself. He refuses to look at me, or at Pix, because we're a constant reminder of the choice he was forced to make and how much he's lost. So instead, he drowns himself in music until it gets to be too much and then he takes a straight blade and slices his skin open. We've ended up in the ER three times in the last year and a half because he cut himself too deep. He lost his job at two different hospitals and nobody in Chicago would hire him, so we moved here to start over."

Edward blew out a heavy breath, shocked how much was just pouring out of his mouth. When he looked up at Bella, he expected to see pity or sorrow radiating off of her like it did everyone else, but there wasn't either of those. Instead, Bella was standing there with tears sliding down her face.

Bringing his hand up to his chest, Edward took a ragged breath as Bella walked over to him. She slid her hand up his arm, covering his, and lifted her eyes up to his. The honestly in her eyes shook Edward to the center of his soul and before he could stop himself, he had his arms wrapped around her and was holding her against him. One hand was nestled in her long, dark hair, while the other was wrapped around her waist.

"I miss them every fucking day, Bella. My mom and Dad — they were the most amazing people. No matter what life threw at them, they took it with a smile. They always told me to hold on, to be strong because I had a purpose in life and dying wasn't it. I need them, Bella. Pix, Car, and I, we need them so much but they aren't here because they were trying to get to me before I died."

Bella tilted her head back and looked up at him, placing her hands on his cheeks and brushing the tears off, but before she could say anything, the doors to the school opened and they looked over and found Alice standing there, looking from her to him.

"What are you doing out here?" Alice asked, and Edward could see the worry in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself away from Bella and walked over to his sister, sliding his hand onto the back of her neck, and drawing her into his arms. "Just needed some air, Pix. Come on, let's go get lunch."

"All right," Alice muttered.

Edward looked over at Bella, noticing the way she watched them with a frown. "Sorry, but she needs me."

Turning, he led his sister back into the building. The lunch bell had just rung and the hallways were crowded with onlookers, who stopped and gawked at them. Trying to steel his emotions, Edward ignored them and led Alice into the cafeteria. They each grabbed a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a Coke before settling at their usual table.

"You're upset," Alice said, opening her chips and looking at him.

"Just tired," Edward lied.

"Bullshit," she hissed. "I know you, Edward. You were hugging her."

Edward closed his eyes and released a deep breath before looking over at her. "I told her."

Alice's mouth flopped open. "Everything?"

He nodded.

"Why would you do that?" she snarled, looking around the room just as the door to the cafeteria opened and Bella and Jasper came inside. Alice paled, and she leaned back in her chair. "She'll tell him and then he'll never look at me again."

"I don't think she will," Edward disagreed, watching as Bella and Jasper grabbed a tray and looked over at them. There was something in Bella's expression, maybe a hope for something that Edward didn't understand. "I need her."

"You need Bella?" Alice asked.

Edward nodded, but couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes off of Bella.

"Why do you need her?" Alice pressed.

Bella grabbed the front of Jasper's shirt and dragged him over to their usual table. Edward wanted to go over to her, to make her understand why he can't leave Alice alone, or at least beg her to accept them both, but he didn't. Instead, he turned his attention off of her and looked over at Alice, who was staring at Jasper.

"I don't know, but when she looks at me, she doesn't make me feel different, Pix," he explained. "Like, she makes me feel . . ."

"Better," Alice murmured, tearing her eyes from Jasper and looking at him. "She won't want me and Car, too. Especially now that she knows."

"You're wrong," Edward said, but a part of him wondered if his sister was right. Would Bella want all of them? Shaking his head, he looked over at her, finding her staring at him again. "She's different, Pix."

"If you say so," she mumbled.

—SW—

When the bell rang signaling the end of lunch, Edward tossed his uneaten food in the trash, and followed Alice out in the hallway. He'd been too nervous to eat, afraid of what Bella was going to think about him. Alice had placed a seedling of doubt in his head that she would turn on him, reject them, and make him chose. And Edward wasn't sure what he'd do if that turned out to be the case, because he was being honest when he told Alice that he needed Bella. He just didn't understand why he needed her.

After making sure Alice got to her class okay, Edward made his way to biology. Bella was already there, scribbling away furiously in her notebook. When he walked through the door, she looked up at him, smiling before turning back to her writing. As it did every time she looked at him, his heart raced in his chest. Edward took a deep breath and walked over, sliding on to his stool.

"Hey," he whispered.

Bella shifted her eyes up to him, smiling.

"Sorry about Pix. She's . . . just nervous around new people," he murmured.

Nodding, Bella turned to a blank page in her notebook, and wrote, **_Don't apologize for Alice, Edward. She has every right to feel that way. People are jerks, who feel they have the right to pass judgment on those they deem different._**

Edward had to admit that he was stunned by Bella's words. He'd never met someone as understanding as she seemed to be. Looking up from the note, he opened his mouth several times to speak, but each time found the words stuck in his throat. With a slight shake of his head, he looked away from her.

"You're not like I expected," he whispered, knowing that she'd be able to hear her. Bella placed a hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to her. Her face was contorted in confusion. "I don't . . . I'm not usually so . . . open with someone the way I am with you. Fuck, I don't think even I understand what I'm saying."

Bella smiled and pulled her notebook back to her, quickly writing, **_Before I lost my voice, I was terribly shy. I'm not going to force myself on you, or Alice, or Carlisle, Edward. I will be your friend, if you still want me to be, but I won't ask you to step out of your comfort zone._**

Edward read her message and nodded. "Fair enough."

By the time the last bell of the day rang, Edward was exhausted. The fatigue from the last week had started to catch up to him, and his shoulders felt tense. His chest had begun to ache, but he knew that stress and pure exhaustion often factored into how his body felt. After dozens of surgeries, a bit of discomfort wasn't new to him.

Bella closed her notebook and turned to look at him. She'd been absorbed in whatever she was writing throughout biology and trig, and Edward knew better than to interrupt her.

When she pushed the notebook into his hands, Edward looked up at her and asked, "What's this?"

Bella blew out a heavy breath, turning her eyes from his, and pointed at the notebook, then herself. With a nervous smile, she grabbed her backpack off the floor and walked out of the room, leaving him standing there. It hit Edward, what she'd been trying to tell him. Bella had written out her story for him to read. Tucking the notebook into his bag, Edward knew that he needed to wait till they got back to the house, where he could read it without worry.

Alice was waiting for him at his locker. "Hey."

"Hey, Pix," he murmured, stowing his unneeded books inside his locker. Shutting his locker door, he turned to Alice, who was staring off in the distance. "You okay?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "How do you know you can trust her?"

Edward didn't answer immediately, because in all honesty, he wasn't sure how he knew Bella was a woman of her word. It was a feeling, something inside of him that told him Bella was meant to be in his life, and he couldn't fight it. Nervously dragging his hand through his hair, Edward leaned against the lockers and blew out a heavy breath. "I feel it. Like how you feel that he should be looking at you. I feel like Bella's different."

"And if we have to leave again? Car will do it again, and then we'll have to move. Are you going to be able to leave her if that happens?"

Just the thought of leaving Bella had his heart aching. Edward brought his hand up to his chest, trying to soothe the dull pain, but nothing helped.

"I didn't think so," Alice quipped. "Is she worth it?"

"Is he?" Edward challenged, shifting his eyes to Alice's. "Can you leave him if needed?"

Alice shifted nervously. "No, I don't think I could, but I'm not falling in love with him, either."

"Love?" Edward gasped. "I am not falling in love with her."

Edward pushed away from the lockers and walked out of the building, leaving Alice standing there. However, he stopped just outside when he saw Bella standing next to Emmett's jeep with him and Jasper. She looked over at him, smiling and Edward felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

"Still not in love with her?" Alice whispered, sliding her hand around Edward's arm.

"Would it be so horrible if I did love her?" Edward asked, tearing his eyes off Bella and looking down at Alice, finding her staring at Jasper.

"No," she admitted, "but we're not like them, Edward."

"I think we're more like them than we realize, Pix." Edward slipped his hand up to the back of her neck. "Maybe I do have feelings for her, but if you're lying to yourself if you don't think he's sparked something in you."

Alice finally tore her eyes off Jasper, shifting them to the ground. "I know. That's what scares me."

The moment they got back home, Alice rushed up to her bedroom, and Edward settled at the dining room table intent to do his homework. However, Bella's notebook was calling out to him, begging for him to read the secrets she'd spilled out in black ink. But he was afraid, unsure that he wanted to know the depths of Bella's inner turmoil. If Alice was right, and he was indeed developing feelings for Bella, what would happen if her secrets were too much for him to handle?

Carlisle stumbled into the kitchen just after seven, looking exhausted. Edward had given up on his homework and had turned his attention to making dinner. Turning down the heat on the hamburger helper he was making, Edward placed the spatula down on the counter and sat down across from him.

"Did you get the stitches out?" he asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Rose helped."

"And everything is okay with your arm?"

Once again, Carlisle nodded. "Still tender, but it's healing fine."

"Good," Edward said.

Carlisle sighed and shifted his eyes up to Edward. "You're wrong."

"About what?"

"You said I don't give a fuck about you or Pix. You're wrong. You're the only part of my life I care about anymore."

Edward wasn't sure what to say.

Dragging a hand over his face, and nestling his fingers in his dark hair, Carlisle shuddered. "I called someone today, someone to . . . I don't know . . . help."

"Like a therapist?" Edward asked, and he nodded. "Why?"

Carlisle blew out a heavy breath and looked up at Edward. "Because I don't like feeling like this. I'm angry and scared, and . . ." A tear slipped down Carlisle's face, which he wiped away. "I'm sorry I'm not the brother you need, Edward."

"You are, though," Edward whispered, blinking back his own tears. Carlisle shifted his eyes up to him. "You, me, Pix — we're all that's left, Car. I just . . . I can't lose you, too. And neither can Pix."

Alice cleared her throat, pulling their attention to where she was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. With her arms wrapped around herself, Edward knew that she'd heard everything Carlisle had said. With a tilt of his head, Edward motioned for her to join them, which she did by walking over and sliding into her usual seat.

"Pix," Carlisle whispered.

"You lied to me," she murmured. "Before . . . you never lied to me before, but now you have and I don't know how to trust you anymore."

"I know," Carlisle mumbled, shifting his eyes up to hers. "I love ya, Pix."

Alice's lips trembled. "I love you, too, Car. Please don't leave us, too. Please! We need you!"

"I won't," he cried, opening his arms to her.

Alice scrambled out of her seat and flew into his arms, wrapping herself around their brother. Together, the three of them let their tears fall, healing a small part of their tattered souls.

—SW—

Once they'd eaten dinner and cleaned up the kitchen, Edward headed up to his room with his backpack in hand and closed his door. Dinner had been tense and awkward at first, none of them knowing what to say next or how to move on from the confessions they'd made. Eventually, though, they began to relax and made idle chitchat about nothing, yet everything. Edward wasn't convinced that Carlisle would actually get help, or that he wouldn't cut himself again, but he was hanging onto a thin shred of hope.

Stripping out of his jeans and T-shirt, Edward slipped on a pair of black cotton shorts and climbed onto his bed with Bella's notebook in his hands. Taking several deep breaths first, he opened the front cover and began reading:

**_Edward,_**

**_It's much harder to write this out for you than I thought it would be. You see, to know who I am now, you had to have known who I was then. Back before I lost my voice, I had one passion in life. I loved to sing. _**

**_I was a terribly shy girl, but when I stepped out onto the stage, I was in control and I loved every moment of it. My mother used to tell me that listening to me sing was like hearing angel's whispering from the heavens. God, I miss her._**

**_Three years ago, I signed up to participate in a music competition in Seattle. They were holding auditions for a nationwide show and I thought it was my chance to be seen, or rather to be heard. I was so excited because being on stage was like home for me. _**

**_My mom and dad were nervous about allowing me to participate because I was so young, so naive about the way the world works. My dad said, "You're only fourteen, Butterbean. You see the world through the eyes of a child." He was right of course, but I was stubborn and begged and pleaded with them to let me seize the moment. I thought it was the chance of a lifetime, and it was — in so many ways._**

**_The night before the auditions began, my parents, Jasper's parents, Jasper, and I checked into our hotel in Seattle. Mine and Jasper's families had always been so close that it wasn't unusual for us to support each other and his parents knew how important Jasper was to me. Maybe it would have been better if Jasper and I hadn't been friends, or if Rose and Emmett hadn't fallen in love. At least then Jasper and Rose would still have their parents._**

**_Though I was excited, I drifted off to sleep. It was about three in the morning when we heard it: the fire alarm. My dad scrambled out of bed and opened our door. Smoke filled our room, but I was able to see the look of pure fear on his face._**

**_Jasper and his parents came rushing into our room, and immediately Jasper was at my side, holding me in his arms. Our parents grabbed our jackets and threw them at us, telling us to get on the floor. We did as we were told as my dad and his walked into the hallway. They came back in and said that the hallway was filled with smoke, but that they could see the flames at the other end. _**

**_My father came over to us and told us that we had to climb out the window, out onto the fire escape. I didn't want to because I was scared of heights, but he told me I had to, that they'd be right behind us. _**

**_Jasper's father picked up a lamp and broke the window for us, screaming at us to hurry. We crawled across the floor, and through the window. There were dozens of police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances down on the ground. I screamed, "HELP US! PLEASE HELP US!"_**

**_Jasper kept his arm around me as we climbed down the fire escape. When we reached the bottom of the escape, two firemen told us to jump into their arms, that they'd catch us. I was so scared, but I did what they asked, landing in their arms. They dragged me and Jasper away from the building, but then we heard a loud explosion. When we looked up, we saw our parents out on the fire escape. The explosion caused the escape to detach from the building. I watched in horror as my parents and Jasper's parents fell from five stories up, hitting the ground with a deafening crunch. _**

**_I screamed and fought against the man dragging me away from the building, away from danger. I needed my parents, needed to make sure they were okay. _**

**_They weren't._**

**_Jasper's parents were killed on contact. His father had tried to shield his wife from the impact with the ground by wrapping his arms around her and rolling them so that he landed first, but it didn't help. When they hit the ground, they were dead._**

**_My parents were luckier, or not as lucky. It all depends on the way you look at it, I guess. My father has no idea who I am, or who any of us are. The brain trauma he received from the fall turned him into a shell of man. He eats, breathes, but there is nothing of my father left. He spends his days staring out the window. He's lost inside himself with no life behind his eyes._**

**_My mother spent three weeks in a coma. We were hopeful that at least she'd be okay, but when she woke up, she thought she was sixteen years old again. She has no memory of me, Esme, or Emmett, just my father. She's angry and mean. She calls me the worst names you'd ever imagine. She's not my mother anymore, hasn't been in a very long time. They live in the hospital, in a long term ward for those who need constant supervision. We don't see them much. It's hard knowing that they don't recognize us anymore. I can't tell them that I love them, that I'm sorry for putting them there. _**

**_I know what you're thinking: what does this have to do with me losing my voice? No, my inability to speak isn't a psychological result of the trauma from watching my family destruct. The paramedics insisted on taking me and Jasper to the hospital, since we'd been exposed to the smoke. I was terrified, of course, but I knew that's where my parents were going to be and I needed be close to them. Jasper rode with me, keeping his arm around me, but I knew, like I was, that he was struggling with what had happened to our parents. _**

**_The doctor came into our trauma room and started asking us a million questions that we didn't have the answers to. The doctor started listening to our chest, checking our lungs and such. When he looked into my throat, his face changed and I knew something was wrong. I just had no idea what it was. He muttered something about needing to run a few tests and left us alone. Emmett, Esme, and Rose showed up not long after. We cried together, began to grieve for the family we'd lost. _**

**_The doctor came back in and told Emmett and Esme that he'd seen something in my throat — a mass. My world was failing apart around me, Edward, and it just kept getting worse. _**

**_They ran some tests, an MRI, X-rays, laryngoscopy,_** **_and sure enough, I had a tumor resting on my voice box. They did a biopsy to see if it was malignant or benign. It was cancer. Early stage, but still cancer: Squamous Cell Carcinoma._**

**_A week after the fire, I underwent surgery to remove the mass. The tumor was bigger than they first thought, and was growing down around my vocal cords. They removed as much of the tumor as they could, but because of the way the tumor was growing, I lost my voice, too. _**

**_I was devastated when I woke up and Emmett and Esme told me what had happened. I'd already lost my parents, and now, I'd lost my ability to speak, to sing. Over the next month, I went through radiation therapy, which killed off the last of the tumor, but still, I'll never be able to speak again. _**

**_Edward, you asked me if everyone already knew our story. They do, the basic facts of the fire, our parents destruction, and the cancer, but they don't know the real us. I'm angry and bitter because I need my mom and dad. Every night I climb into my bed and look at the last picture the five of us took, and I cry because they're not here. I can't tell Emmett or Esme how I feel because they worry enough about me without adding to their burden. Jasper and Rose have been dealing with their own grief, barely able to even visit their parents' graves. They've been there for me through so much, always putting my needs first and I hate it because they're not supposed to be worrying about whether the cancer will come back or whether our parents ever see us — really see us — again. _**

**_I'm alone, Edward. Lost in a world of guilt because if I hadn't wanted to audition for that fucking show, my parents and Jasper's parents would still be here. _**

**_I understand that you need Alice and Carlisle, Edward, because I need my family, too. And for a reason that I don't understand, I need you in my life, too. _**

Edward let Bella's notebook fall from his fingers, staring at it as it lay open on his bed. Could Bella really need him the same way that he needed her?

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**Thank you for all the reviews! I was completely blown away by the response to the last chapter. Edward, Pix, and Carlisle have all been through so much. Now, what do we think about Bella and Jasper's story?**


	14. Chapter 14

14

Bella's heart felt like it would burst out of her chest as she rushed out of the building. A part of her wanted to rip the notebook out of Edward's hands and tear it into a million pieces so that he'd never know her selfishness, but the other part knew that Edward had opened himself up to her and in return, she needed to do the same.

Jasper was standing by the jeep when she came out, earbuds in and listening to whatever playlist was speaking to him at the time. He looked up as Bella walked up to him, and smiled. "Hey."

Bella smiled, giving him a small wave.

"You okay?" he asked, his brow furrowing in worry.

She nodded, unsure if the gesture was the truth or not.

"Hey, why weren't you at my door, pressuring me to hurry like you normally are?" Emmett asked, walking up to her and Jasper.

Bella smiled, and shrugged her shoulders. Truth be told, all she could think about was leaving before Edward had the chance to say or do anything. She'd imagined him shoving the notebook back in her face, telling her that he wasn't going to waste his time with her nonsense. A shiver ran through her, but only Jasper seemed to notice. He gave her a look, questioning the movement, but with a quick shake of her head, she silently asked him not to press the issue, especially with Emmett right there.

"About ready?" Emmett asked, clapping his hands together. "Rose was hoping to get off early so we're going on a date."

Bella nodded, before signing, "Taking her somewhere special?"

"Been awhile since we've had a night out, so I was thinking about taking her to Port Angeles. Maybe catch a movie, or go dancing, or I don't know," Emmett said, blushing around his ears. "Just need a night alone."

As he was talking, the doors to the school opened and Bella looked over, watching Alice and Edward walk out. They stopped, and their eyes met and a feeling of hope filled her heart. It was a feeling she didn't understand, one that scared the shit out of her. Smiling, Bella shifted her eyes over to Emmett and motioned for them to go.

When they got home, Emmett rushed inside, muttering something about taking a shower and smelling good for his woman. Jasper grabbed Bella's arm and dragged her upstairs into his bedroom. Slamming the door shut behind him, he turned and gave Bella a long, penetrating look — one that she knew well. Jasper had always been able to read her, knowing when she was upset, sad, or just needed time for herself. It was just one of the reasons they got along so well.

"What the fuck is going on, Bella? Did someone say something hurtful to you? Because if they did, I'll kick their ass."

Sighing, Bella flopped down on his bed, covering her eyes with her arm. How could she explain anything without giving Edward's secrets up? He'd trusted her with the most intimate details of his life, and she couldn't betray him. Bella felt the bed dip down and moved her arm, finding Jasper lying next to her, waiting patiently for her to explain.

Bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella signed, "Edward shared something with me today — something private. So, in return, I kind of wrote out some stuff about me in a notebook and gave it to him. Well, actually, everything about me."

"The fire, the tumor, all of it?" he asked, blowing out a heavy breath.

Bella nodded, waiting for his reaction. When she saw the darkness fill his eyes, she knew he wouldn't take it easily.

"Why would you do that?" he asked, the worry and fear in his words evident.

Bella knew that — like her — Jasper struggled with what happened to their parents. While she was lost inside of herself with no way to express the feelings running rampant in her heart and soul, Jasper threw himself into music, letting it dull the ache he felt. Music was his drug, his lifeline. She envied his ability to let his passion ease the pain.

Huffing, she sat up and turned her body toward him and sent her hands in a hurried frenzy as she tried to explain. "Edward's different. I can't explain why, but he is. When he looks at me, it's not like he's staring at the mute freak, but seeing me, the real Bella. This sounds crazy, I know that, but it's like, I need him to understand me, Jas. I need him to!"

"Need him? Need him!" he exclaimed, climbing off the bed and pacing back and forth in front of her. "How can you need him when you don't know him?"

Bella scrambled off the bed, grabbing his arm so he'd stop. She felt defensive, craving his understanding to why she put herself out there. "When I'm not around him, I feel lost and alone. I hate that he makes me feel like that, Jasper! I didn't want to like him, or to be his friend, but there is this look in his eyes that makes me feel . . ."

Dropping her hands to her side, Bella shook her head, unable to explain her feelings because she didn't understand either. Turning, she sat on the edge of Jasper's bed, and closed her eyes, feeling the burn as tears threatened to fall.

"He really makes you feel better?" Jasper asked, sitting down next to Bella.

She nodded, keeping her eyes closed.

"What if you're wrong about him?" he whispered.

Bella opened her eyes, looking over at him. Shaking her head, she brought her hands up in front of her, and answered him in the only way she could: "Then, I'm wrong, I guess, but I have to try, don't I?"

"I guess," Jasper muttered, clearly unconvinced that Bella had made the right decision.

Standing up, she leaned over and kissed his cheek before leaving him in his room and walking into hers. He'd spend the night worrying about her, fretting over Edward hurting her, or worse, betraying Bella's faith in him, but deep inside her heart, Bella knew that Edward would be worth everything.

—SW—

Bella was up early the next morning, unable to handle just staring at the ceiling any longer, and had pulled her book out of her backpack so she could read. Or try to, at least. All night, she had imagined Edward's reaction to her story. She pictured him coming up to her, screaming in her face about being a loser and a freak, telling her that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore before spitting on her and leaving her standing there with her humiliation.

Rejection wasn't new to her. After the accident, the children she and Jasper had gone to school with had turned their backs on them, shunning them for being different. At the time it had been difficult to handle, but eventually she came to accept their rejection, not needing them anymore than they needed her. But Edward — he was different. Bella did need him, and it scared the shit out of her.

"Bella, are you awake?" Jasper asked through her bedroom door.

Pulling her bottom lips between her teeth, she dropped her book on her bed and knocked on the wall. It was the signal they'd come up with after she'd lost her voice so she could tell him it was okay to open the door. The door opened, and Jasper lifted his eyes up to hers, smiling softly.

"Can I come in?"

Bella nodded. Jasper pushed off the doorframe and walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge and placing his elbows on his knees. Wearing only a pair of plaid pajama pants, the muscles in his back were taunt and tense. He'd hardly spoken to her the night before at dinner. Esme had ordered pizza in since Emmett and Rose went out, and she didn't feel like cooking for the three of them. Bella worried that Jasper would stay angry at her for telling Edward about the fire and cancer, but in her heart, Bella knew she had made the right decision. She just didn't understand why she knew it was the right choice.

"I watch her," he whispered, keeping his eyes turned from her. "All the time."

Bella just sat there, waiting for him to keep talking.

Jasper sighed, and dropped his head into his hands. "She tries so hard to disappear, to go away, but she can't. Maybe from everyone else, but not from me."

Scooting over, Bella wrapped herself around Jasper, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I hope you're right about him," he murmured.

For several minutes, Bella and Jasper just sat there, letting the weight of the situation hang over them. Eventually, the sounds of their family moving around broke through the silence that was filling Bella's room, and Jasper kissed the top of her head before leaving her alone with her thoughts. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Bella shifted her eyes over to the photograph on her nightstand and felt her eyes fill up with tears. More now than ever, she wished Charlie and Renee were here to tell her whether or not she was making a mistake by reaching out to Edward.

Half an hour later, Bella grabbed her backpack from next to her bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen, having showered and dressed for school. Emmett and Rose were sitting at the table, his arms wrapped around her and her leaning into his embrace while staring deeply into his eyes. Purposely kicking her chair to let them know she was in the room, Bella laughed inwardly when they broke apart and looked at her with red cheeks and sheepish expressions.

Though it wasn't always easy for Bella to be around them, she was happy that Rose was there for Emmett when he needed her, and he was the same for her. The death of her parents, and the damage done to Charlie and Renee had drawn them closer together, solidifying their relationship.

"Hey, Butterbean," Emmett said, standing up and opening the door to the fridge. "Hungry?"

Knowing that if she said no, he'd just worry and push her to tell him why, Bella simply nodded and gestured to the box of cereal on the counter. Emmett rolled his eyes, but grabbed the box of Lucky Charms, a bowl, the milk, and a spoon, placing it all in front of her. Filling her bowl and pouring the milk over it, Bella smirked as she took a big bite, causing him to grimace.

"I don't know how you can eat that shit," he muttered, sitting back at the table and picking up his coffee cup, taking a sip. "It's nothing but sugar."

Bella cocked and eyebrow in the direction of the dark nectar he was sipping.

"This is different," Emmett told her. "Coffee is from is a gift from God, sent down just to keep older brothers from kicking their annoying little sister's ass. By drinking it, I'm saving you from a beating."

Rolling her eyes, Bella scooped up another spoonful of cereal and stuffed it into her mouth, chewing it several times before parting her lips and showing him her food.

"Ew!" Rose cackled, falling in her seat and laughing.

"Butterbean, shut your mouth," Esme snickered, walking into the kitchen. Jasper was right behind her, and looked over at Bella, whose mouth was still wide open.

"Lucky Charms?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow and Bella nodded. "Is there any left?"

Bella swallowed her mouthful and picked up the box, shaking it to show that there was still plenty left for him.

"All right!" Jasper grabbed the box from her and fell into the chair next to Bella, filling his own bowl, adding milk, and stuffing a spoonful into his mouth. "Damn, that's good."

"Gross, Jas," Rose grumbled, shaking her head. Jasper shrugged his shoulders, and a dribble of milk fell out of his mouth and onto his shirt. "Dude, have some manners."

"I have manners," he mumbled around his mouthful.

"Whatever," Rose scoffed, picking up her coffee and taking a sip. She looked over at Bella and smiled. "This is good coffee, Bella. Thank you for setting the pot up last night. I meant to get it ready before we left, but Emmett was in a hurry."

"Was not," Emmett muttered.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and dropped her spoon into her bowl before signing, "You're welcome. I figured you and Em would be out late, and knew that you'd want some this morning."

"What'd you end up doing?" Esme asked, sliding into her chair and grabbing a piece of toast from Emmett's plate.

"Thief!" he wailed, reaching for it, but Esme elbowed him in the arm. "Damn it, Es. You're gonna leave a bruise with those boney elbows!"

"Big baby," Esme laughed, taking a big bite off the end.

Jasper was trying his hardest to hide his laughter, as was Rose, but Bella was just sitting there, watching her family interact together, playing and teasing each other. Ducking her head, she turned away from them, wishing more than anything that she could laugh with them — a real laugh, from deep inside of her soul. It had been so long since she's made a sound, she'd forgotten what her voice even sounded like.

"Whatever," Emmett grumbled. "Rose and I had dinner at that little Italian place in Port Angeles, and then we went dancing at Club Venom."

"But we didn't stay there long," Rose explained, reaching over and brushing Bella's hair behind her shoulder. When Bella looked up at her, Rose just smiled, like she could read her thoughts. "The DJ sucked, and the bartender kept flirting with me so we left."

"Asshole," Emmett muttered and shook his head. "We ended up stopping down at First Beach and walking along the beach for a while before we came home."

"Aw, that sounds romantic," Esme cooed.

Dropping her spoon in her bowl, Bella stood up, grabbed her backpack, and signed, "I'll be in the jeep."

"You okay, Butterbean?" Esme asked, a frown slipping over her lips.

Bella simply nodded before walking out of the house and to the jeep, sliding into the passenger seat. She pushed her backpack onto the floor board and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and laying her head on top. Emmett and Jasper came out a few minutes later, neither of them questioning her over her abrupt exit from breakfast, which Bella was glad about. She was being silly — this much she knew — but there were times when she felt so out of place with her small family.

Emmett drove them to school and parked in his usual spot. He reached out and placed his hand on the back of Bella's head. Staring out the window, she simply reached up and covered his, telling him that she was okay, that she just needed a minute.

"Love you, Butterbean," Emmett whispered before slipping his hand out from under hers and climbing out of the jeep and heading into the building.

Jasper moved from the backseat to the front seat, but didn't speak to her. After a few minutes, the two of them grabbed their bags and headed inside and made their way to their first period classes. Bella's heart was racing in her chest as she slid into her desk and watched the door for Edward. Each passing second felt like they were taking a thousand years, and Bella could feel her breath coming out thicker and shorter as time passed. Just before the final bell rang, Edward stepped into the doorway, his eyes automatically seeking out hers. In that moment, Bella felt something she'd never experienced before: the flutter of nervous butterflies.

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**Thank you for all the reviews. Edward, Bella, and their families have quite the journey ahead of them.**


	15. Chapter 15

15

"What's that?" Alice asked, causing Edward to look up at her.

He had gotten up early or more like he'd finally given up the pretense of sleep all together, and stumbled into the kitchen with the intension of cooking breakfast, but instead, he'd sat down at the table and was reading Bella's notebook — again.

"Nothing," he lied, shutting it and stuffing it into his backpack.

Alice gave him a look that clearly stated that she didn't believe him, but Edward wasn't sure if he should tell his sister the details Bella had shared with him. They seemed so personal and intimate that somehow he felt like he'd be betraying Bella's trust in him if he told Alice anything.

"Want something to eat?" Edward asked, standing up and walking over to the fridge.

"Not really," Alice stated, and sat down in her usual seat.

Before either of them could say much else, Carlisle walked into the kitchen, once again dressed in a pair of blue scrubs over a long sleeve T-shirt. Edward was still reeling over the fact that Carlisle was seeking help, if he really was. Edward wanted to believe his brother, more than anything he wanted to believe him, but Carlisle had told given them false promises before. Although, last night had been the first time he'd ever told them he was getting help. Maybe — just maybe, there was hope left.

"Morning," Carlisle muttered, sitting in his usual seat. He looked up at Edward, who saw the dark circles under his eyes. "What?"

"You didn't sleep," Edward said, blankly.

Carlisle turned his eyes away. "I couldn't. Nerves and shit."

"About work?" Alice asked, and Carlisle shook his head.

"Dr. Brooks called last night and said I could come in this afternoon," he whispered. "If I want."

Edward took a deep breath. "And do you? Want to, I mean."

Carlisle tilted his head back and looked Edward in the eye. "No. The last thing I want to do is talk about . . . Mom and Dad like that, but I need to. I know that I need to."

Nodding, Edward opened the refrigerator and brought his hand up to his chest. "Do you blame me?"

"What?" Carlisle sputtered, but Edward couldn't look at him. "You — you think I blame you?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders, unable to look back at his brother.

"Fuck, Edward! Of course I don't," Carlisle exclaimed.

"Okay," he replied, not believing him, but opting to let it go.

"It's not okay," Carlisle insisted. "Look at me!"

Edward sighed and shifted his eyes over to his brother.

"You think I blame you for everything?"

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders. "If they hadn't been trying to get to me, they would still be here."

"But — but you'd be dead," Alice whimpered, and Edward and Carlisle looked over at her. "They'd be here, but you'd be dead, Edward. How is that better?"

Edward shifted his eyes to the table. "Not like I was really alive beforehand. Not really."

An awkward silence filled the room, and Edward immediately felt like shit for opening his mouth. Neither of them would understand how he felt. He'd never truly felt like he'd really experienced life. His existence had been nothing more than the hallways of the hospital, the few months a year that he'd lived at home, or gone to regular school, and even then, because of his fragile condition, his parents never let him do anything fun. Edward had wanted to play baseball and soccer. He'd wanted to go trick or treating and camping, but he never got to because he was always too sick, and the risks were too high. Edward wanted nothing more than to be normal, but not at the expense of his parents' lives.

"We should go," he finally said, breaking through the deafening silence. Closing the door to the fridge, Edward grabbed his backpack and shifted his attention over to Carlisle. "Are you going to be okay? Do I need to go with you?"

Carlisle smiled. "No, Edward. It's time I learn to take care of myself. Go to school."

Nodding, Edward motioned for Alice to follow him out to his car. She slid into the passenger seat, placing her bag on the floor and turning her attention out the window. They made the drive in silence, and Edward knew that she was pissed with him for confessing his true feelings. While he hated that Alice was upset, he was tired of pretending to have his shit together. The past couple of years had been one lie after another, all in an effort to keep his brother and sister from falling apart. The problem was, nobody seemed to see that Edward was struggling with the guilt of killing his mother. After all, it had been him who needed her heart.

Edward parked next to Emmett's jeep, and Alice jumped out of the car without a word. Taking a deep breath, he reached into the backseat and grabbed his backpack, and followed her inside. Alice was already halfway to her class when he walked in, but she stopped and looked over at him, a wistful frown on her lips. Shaking her head, she turned and walked into his classroom and Edward felt like a dick for saying anything at breakfast. They shouldn't have to deal with his guilt, either.

After stopping by his locker to put his unneeded books up, Edward headed down to English, pausing in the doorway and finding himself staring at Bella. His heart began to race, thumbing widely against his chest, and he felt — happy. Why did just looking at her make him feel so fucking happy?

With a shake of his head, Edward walked over and slid into the seat behind her, but before he could say anything to her, Emmett started class. Edward tried to focus his attention on the lesson, but he couldn't. Bella enchanted him, drew him in without even really trying. He could smell the sweet aroma of her perfume; see the way her shoulders rose and fell with each breath she took. Simply put, Bella mesmerized him.

When the bell rang dismissing class, Bella turned in her seat and looked at him, a small smile on her lips. Edward returned the gesture as they stood up and walked out into the hallway and down to their history class. She turned and looked at him, expectation filling her eyes and he knew she was wondering if he'd read her notebook.

Sliding it out of his backpack, he placed in on his desk, noticing the way her eyes flittered to it before meeting his once again.

"I, um, I don't know what to say," he murmured, softly.

Bella frowned, and the single act hurt Edward.

"I just . . ." Edward trailed off and leaned forward, feeling the need to close the gap between them. "What you wrote, it's just so . . . heartbreaking."

Sighing, Bella nodded, but didn't offer anything else.

"It must have been difficult to go through all of that," Edward added, placing his hand on the notebook.

Once again, Bella nodded.

"I think I'm going to have to learn sign language or something," he murmured.

Bella smiled and lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Then I wouldn't feel like an asshole every time I said something," Edward explained. "You could just tell me I was."

Nodding, Bella slipped the notebook under from under his hand and opened it. She pulled a pen from her own bag, flipped it open to a new page, and wrote, **_You've never been an asshole to me, Edward. And I don't need you to learn sign just for me, either. We could do something wild and crazy, though._**

Reading what she'd written, Edward looked up at her. "And what would that be?"

Bella's smile grew as she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

"You want to exchange numbers?" Edward asked, and Bella nodded. "Okay."

Edward slipped his phone out of his bag and handed it to her, before taking hers. Scrolling through the menu, he found her contacts and noticed that, like his, she only had her family listed. Seems they had more in common than he realized. Quickly adding his number, he saved it and handed her phone back to Bella. She placed his on the desk, and Edward immediately picked it up, finding her number.

A snort, followed by laughter trickled out of his mouth when he saw that she's listed herself as 'She who cannot be heard.' He looked up at her and smiled. "Nice, Bella, Very nice."

She shrugged her shoulders just as Mr. Davis came into the room, barking at everyone to settle down. Giving Edward a look, Bella turned in her seat and placed her phone in her back pocket. Edward stowed his in his bag before pretending to listen to Mr. Davis' lecture. Pretending because no matter how hard he tried to focus, all Edward could see was Bella sitting in front of him.

—SW—

Edward was nervous about going to the library, though he couldn't be sure why. Maybe it's because just the day before he'd told Bella his story, or maybe it was because Esme would be there. Between seeing her at the grocery store on Friday, and pushing her into the door during his hasty escape the day before, he was nervous about having to face her again.

He held the door open for Bella, who blushed and gave him a simple nod before walking past him. Taking a deep breath, Edward followed, unsurprised to see Esme sitting behind the counter, or that she was looking in their direction. Her eyes flittered to Edward for a moment before shifting back to Bella.

"Hey," Esme said, but it sounded off, almost like she was trying too hard.

Bella waved before tossing her bag on the floor and bringing her hands up in front of her as she began to sign. Esme's wide eyes shifted to Edward for a split second before moving back to Bella. Whatever Bella was telling her sister, caused Esme to smile.

"Oh, I see," Esme murmured. She turned to Edward. "Bella was telling me her opinion on a book that we've been reading together. Apparently, she likes it, but feels the heroine is . . . well, since we're at school, I will paraphrase and say, eccentric."

Edward nodded, unsure of what to say. He longed for the ability to be able to communicate with Bella without notes and text messages. She may not think he needed to learn sign language, but he did and he was going to do everything he could learn.

"Anyway, we're pretty quiet today," Esme continued. "I shelved all the books this morning, so I guess you both can, I don't know, find something to do."

"Um, all right," Edward muttered, looking around.

Bella smiled as she walked over, picked her backpack up, and grabbed Edward's hand, dragging him over to one of the tables. Gesturing to one of the chairs, Bella placed her bag on top and sat on the other side. Edward could feel his own grin grow as he sat in the chair Bella had pointed at, and placed his bag on the floor.

Pulling out her cellphone, Bella gave him a look before her fingers started flying over the screen. A moment later, Edward's phone vibrated in his back pocket. Digging it out, he laughed when he saw a text from her.

"I'm gonna have to get used to this. I've never been much of a texter, seeing as cell phones weren't common in the hospital," he murmured, sliding his own phone open and reading her message. "Favorite color?" Edward shifted his eyes over to her. "Seriously?"

Bella nodded and tilted her head toward his phone.

"You want me to text it to you?" he asked and Bella nodded. "Okay."

Shaking his head, he turned his attention to his phone. **Never really thought about it, but I guess my favorite color is brown.**

Bella cocked an eyebrow in his direction and sent back a new message: **Why brown?**

Clearing his throat, he replied honestly, knowing that Bella would see through him anyway. **Your eyes. They're the most beautiful shade of brown I've ever seen. Like, dark milk chocolate.**

Watching as Bella read his text, Edward noticed the way Bella's cheeks turned a sultry pink. A moment later, his phone pinged again.

**_My dad would call them kisses. He'd say, 'Come on, Butterbean, and show me those kisses._****'**

When Edward looked up at her, he noticed the tears filling her eyes. He resisted the urge to reach across the table and take her hand in his. Leaning forward, Edward placed his elbows on the table. "You said you need me," he whispered, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "Did — did you mean it?"

Bella nodded.

"Why?" he asked.

Frowning, she shook her head and picked up her phone, sending him another text, **_I don't know why. You're . . . different._**

"Different?" he asked.

Bella nodded, and began typing once again. **_When you look at me, it's like you're not seeing the mute freak, but the real person. Like deep into my soul or something. I don't know. I'm sure this all sounds like a bunch of shit. _**

Edward blew out a deep breath as he read her words. She said so much, without realizing that she was. "How'd you handle it? Your parents, the cancer? How'd you handle all of that at once?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders and sent a new text. **_I didn't really have a choice, did I? I felt so alone, even with Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and Rose around. When I woke up from surgery and couldn't speak, it felt like my life was over. I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry — not really. I just adapted, I guess. People gawked and stared at me, but I learned to ignore it. Better that way. At least it was until you came here. _**

"Did you know sign language before you lost your voice?" Edward asked.

Once again, Bella shook her head, and turned her attention to her phone. **_Esme insisted that we all needed to learn. She enrolled us in a three month course at the junior college in Port Angeles. It was hard, but I guess it makes it easier, at least for them._**

The bell rang, signaling the end of fourth period so Bella and Edward grabbed their backpacks and headed to the cafeteria. Edward spotted Alice standing next to the door like always, but unlike before Jasper was leaning against the wall opposite her.

* * *

**Thank you for all the reviews. This chapter was a bit difficult. They both have so much to say, yet I couldn't seem to get the words quite right. Now, for the bad news. Real life has thrown up all over me and I will be starting a new job in a day or two. And because of that, updates won't be everyday, or even every couple of days. I have a few other WIPS to work on, publishing house work to do, and books of my own to sell, that I will have to learn how to balance all of this, so please be patient with me.**


	16. Chapter 16

16

Bella could feel her legs trembling as she and Edward walked up to Jasper and Alice, who were staring at the pair with wide eyes and gaping mouths. Edward had her reeling, and all he'd done was see her — the real her. Everything inside of her screamed for her to run and hide, to let him go before she lost the small amount of her self-control over her life that she'd managed to hold on to over the last three years. However, Bella knew she was in too deep. Edward owned her already.

Lifting her hand, Bella gave Jasper a small wave before turning to Alice and doing the same. The latter just looked at her for a moment before shifting her attention to Edward.

"I'll just meet you inside," Alice murmured, wrapping her arms around her torso before spinning on her heel and heading into the cafeteria.

Edward sighed, drawing Bella's attention to him. "Sorry," was all he said before he followed his sister.

"Bella," Jasper said and she looked over at him. "Are you okay?"

Shrugging, she couldn't say if she was or not. There were too many feelings surging through her.

"Are you ready to go in?" he asked, gesturing to the door.

Nodding, Bella shifted her backpack up on her shoulder. Jasper gave her one more look before he opened the door and nudged her inside. They made their way through the food line, where she got a cheeseburger, fries, and a bottle of lemonade. Jasper made to go to their usual table, but Bella grabbed his arm, causing him to look back at her. Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she looked from him over to where Edward and Alice were sitting, and gave him a look.

"Are you sure?" Jasper whispered, stepping toward her.

She wasn't sure, but knew that if she wanted Edward as a friend that she had to make an effort with Alice, too. Closing her eyes for just a moment, Bella nodded and gave his arm a tug. She could see the fear and doubt in Jasper's eyes, and knew they mirrored hers. Releasing her hold on Jasper, Bella made the slow and agonizing walk across the cafeteria to where Edward sat watching her every movement.

When she got to the table, Bella motioned to the chair next to Edward, raising an eyebrow in silent question. He shifted his eyes to Alice for a split second before he grabbed the back of the chair and pulled it out for her. Bella released a heavy breath as she sat down. Jasper slid into the seat next to her and for a few moments, the four of them sat there in awkward silence.

Bella wondered if she'd been wrong for making such a bold move, but then Edward cleared his throat, leaned up and placed his elbows on the table, and looked over at her, saying, "Are the burgers good?"

Smiling, Bella shrugged her shoulders and picked up her cheeseburger, taking a small bite, making a show of licking her lips.

"I'll take that as a yes," Edward chuckled, shifting his eyes to the table.

"Bella's addicted to cheeseburgers," Jasper muttered, pulling all their attention to him. He was staring at Alice, who was returning it with longing. "She'd eat ten a day if Emmett would let her."

"Yeah?" Edward asked, cocking an eyebrow at Bella.

She nodded because Jasper was telling the truth. Shifting her eyes around the room to make sure nobody was watching, Bella threw Jasper a look and brought her hands up just above the table and signed her response.

Edward looked confused, but Jasper quickly interrupted her signing. "She said Emmett's a health freak, which he is. He doesn't like her to eat foods that are full of unnatural shit, as he puts it."

"Oh," Edward replied, turning back at Bella. "My mom never let me eat them, either."

Bella nodded again and shifted her eyes to Alice, who looked surprised and shocked. Bella placed her hand on Edward's hand, tilting her head toward his sister. When he looked at her, he sighed.

"She can't speak, Pix," Edward whispered, causing Alice to turn to him.

"Like at all?" Alice gasped, automatically looking at Bella.

Bella shook her head.

"But you can what? Use sign language?" Alice asked and Bella nodded. "That must suck."

Once again, all Bella could do was nod, because really what else was there for her to do.

"What kind of stupid thing is that to say?" Jasper grumbled, causing them to look at him. He was staring at Alice again, a look of irritation and frustration etched on his face. "Of course it sucks that she can't speak. Wouldn't it suck if you couldn't say a goddamn word to anyone?"

Bella reached out for Jasper, but he pulled his arm from under her hand.

"I — I didn't mean anything by it," Alice whimpered, and Bella glared at Jasper.

Turning toward him, she brought her hands up in front of her and signed, "Stop being an asshole, Jas. She's making an effort."

"Whatever," Jasper muttered, tearing his eyes away from Bella.

Sighing, she looked over at Edward, who had his hand wrapped around Alice's neck. It was a movement that she'd noticed he did a lot with her, and wondered if it had to do with the scars that marred her body. More than ever, Bella wanted to speak, to tell Alice she was sorry for Jasper's behavior, but she couldn't. All she could is sit there, helplessly watching Alice fight the tears swimming in her eyes.

Bella turned back to Jasper, and signed, "Tell her you're sorry!"

"What?" he groused. "No!"

Once more, Bella signed for him to apologize to her.

"NO!" he yelled, drawing the attention of everyone as he stood up so fast, his chair fell back against the floor. "Just stop trying to make everything okay, Bella!"

Pushing his tray away, Jasper grabbed his backpack and stormed away. Bella shifted her eyes over to Edward, who had a shocked and whimpering Alice in his arms, and frowned before she stood up and followed Jasper out. She'd never seen her best friend behave in such a harsh and bitter manner, and it shocked her. Jasper had always been the calm and collected one in their small, dysfunctional family.

Bella caught up to him just after he slammed his way out of the cafeteria, but before she could get his attention, Jasper turned and fell face-first against the wall, slamming his fist against the bricked wall and sliding to his knees. Kneeling next to him, Bella wrapped her arm around his shoulder, drawing him into her embrace and she understood. Jasper was lashing out at Alice because he was scared to let her in. Like Bella needed Edward, Jasper needed Alice, and it scared him.

"I can't, Bella. I just can't open myself to her," he murmured, looking over at her.

Frowning, she slipped her arm from around his shoulder and signed, "You can. You just choose not to."

"She'd never . . . she'll . . ." Jasper trailed off. "She won't want me, too."

Once again bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella disagreed. "She already does."

"How can you be so sure?" he asked.

Bella smiled. "Because she notices when you don't look at her. Only someone wanting to be seen notices someone not watching."

Before he could reply, the bell rang ending lunch. They scrambled to their feet and moved from behind the doors just before the doors were pushed open and everyone started scrambling toward their afternoon classes — everyone by Alice and Edward. Placing her hand on Jasper's arm, Bella gripped his shirt between her fingers and dragged him into the cafeteria, finding Alice and Edward still sitting at their table.

Edward looked up, catching Bella's eye before turning and glaring at Jasper. Standing up, he placed his hand on the back of Alice's neck and led her over to them.

"You don't have like us. Honestly, I don't give a fuck if you do, but you don't get to be rude to my sister. She's done nothing to you. Nothing," Edward snarled.

Alice whimpered, turned toward Edward and placed her hand on his chest, right over his scar.

"I'm sorry," Jasper whispered, causing Alice to look over at him. He was staring at her. "I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apology," Alice said, shaking her head. "I don't need anything from you at all, Jasper. Just forget I exist. It'll make your life easier."

Alice tried to walk past them, but Jasper reached out and grabbed her hand, causing her to stop and look over her shoulder at him.

"I don't want to forget you. And my life isn't easier without you in it, Alice. I'm just . . ." He shook his head.

"You're just what?" she wondered.

"I don't know how to be the guy you deserve," he whispered, and Bella could hear the vulnerability in his words — something she'd never heard before.

"All I want is someone to see me," she mumbled, sliding her hand out from his. "The real me and not the damage. I thought that was you, but I guess all you see are the scars."

"I don't," Jasper insisted, reaching for her, but Alice moved away from him.

"I don't believe you," she told him. She shifted her eyes to Edward and Bella before walking out of the cafeteria.

Jasper looked crestfallen, but Bella knew that he deserved it. He'd been downright awful to Alice. Placing her hand on his cheek, Bella tilted his head back and gave him a small smile, hoping that he'd understand what she was trying to say.

"I know," he whispered. Jasper looked over at Edward. "I really am sorry."

"So you say," Edward muttered.

Sighing, Bella shuffled her backpack up on her shoulder and grabbed Edward's arm, dragging him out of the cafeteria. She understood why he was pissed. He didn't know Jasper the way she did, he couldn't see the underlining fear in Jasper's actions, and Bella wasn't about to start making excuses for him. Jasper knew he was wrong and somehow, he'd make it up to Alice.

Edward and Bella arrived in their biology classroom before the tardy bell rang, but Dr. Banner still glared at them as they moved over to their lab table and sat down. Dr. Banner dragged his television to the front of the classroom and started a movie over. Bella tried to pay attention, but her focus strayed when Edward slipped a sheet of paper in front of her. Making sure Dr. Banner wasn't looking, Bella unfolded the note and read Edward's words.

**_Why'd you come sit with us?_**

Bella sighed and shifted her attention to Edward before picking up her pen and scribbling a note back. **_Because I want to be your friend, Edward._**

She watched as he read her words, a frown slipping over his lips. He looked over at her. "We're already friends."

Bella grabbed the paper from in front of him and wrote,**_ We are, but I also understand that if I want to be your friend, then I need to know Alice, too. She's important to you, just like Jasper is important to me._**

Edward looked over at her. "He's an asshole."

Bella nodded, because she knew that's the only version of Jasper that he'd seen. He didn't know about the guy who'd stayed with her in the hospital every night after she'd lost her voice because he didn't want her to be alone in the middle of the night. No, Edward didn't know about that Jasper because her best friend put a wall up around himself to keep from getting hurt.

"But she likes him," Edward added.

Sliding her hand across the table, Bella pulled the paper to her and wrote, **_I won't defend him, Edward. He was rude and mean, but he's important to me. Just like Alice is to you. _**

"I get it," Edward whispered, leaning toward her. "I do."

Bella wasn't convinced that he did, but she let the subject drop. There wasn't any point in trying to convince him that Jasper wasn't always the insensitive asshole that he was at lunch.

When the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, Edward and Bella walked into the hallway. She paused and looked at him, vaguely aware of the way people were watching them. Yeah, she knew that they'd be staring at her, wondering why Edward would be wasting his time with a freak like her. It wasn't anything new or different for Bella, and she'd given up caring anymore. The so-called people she'd grown up with had given up on her a long time ago.

"Can I text you later?" Edward asked.

Bella smiled and nodded, hoping that he really would and that hope scared her.

Edward leaned forward and kissed his lips against her cheek, causing her to gasp. "Later, Bella."

Spinning on his heel, Edward turned and walked away from her. All Bella could do was watch, the feeling of his lips pressed against her skin seared into her soul. Yeah, she was already in way too deep with Edward, and while it scared the shit out of her, she loved the way he made her feel. With him, she felt normal again.

"Hey." Bella turned and looked at Emmett as he trekked toward her, his bag slung up on his shoulder. "You okay?"

She nodded, shifting her eyes away so that her brother wouldn't see right through her.

"You sure? You look flushed," Emmett stated, bringing his hand up to her forehead. "Are you getting sick? Maybe we should take you in for a check-up."

Bella shrugged his hand off, shook her head, and walked down to her locker. Emmett worried too much about her, but after everything they'd been through, she couldn't blame him. Emmett did everything he could to keep their family from falling apart.

Grabbing all the books she'd need to do her homework, she followed Emmett out to the jeep, where they found Jasper waiting for them with his earbuds in. Before they could get into the jeep, however, the doors to the school opened and Edward and Alice came out. Jasper's attention was immediately on Alice, and he watched as they walked down to Edward's car. She opened the passenger side door and looked at Jasper, a frown sliding onto her face. With a shake of her head, Alice climbed into Edward's car and closed the door.

Edward looked at Bella and sighed before joining Alice and driving off.

"What the hell was that about?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing," Jasper muttered, pushing away from the jeep and climbing into the backseat.

"Butterbean?" Emmett asked, and Bella looked over at him. "Something I need to know?"

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, and shook her head. Because right now, Emmett couldn't make anything better, no matter how much he'd want to. Bella climbed into the jeep and turned to Jasper, sliding her hand over his and giving it a soft squeeze.

"I'll make it right," he whispered as Emmett climbed in behind the wheel. "I don't know how, but I will make it right with her."

And Bella didn't doubt one bit that Jasper would do everything he could to make it right with Alice and Edward. Deep inside, Bella knew that Jasper needed Alice in ways that not even he understood.

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**Thank you for all the amazing reviews. I am constantly blown away by the response this story gets. And thank you for having patience with me. The last couple of weeks have been...unpleasant, but I am hoping to get back into my groove soon.**


	17. Note

So, I've made a decision. For the time being, I am taking a break from the fandom and from writing fan fiction. I really just can't handle the stress and pressure of updating my stories, while trying to get my book written, too. And this book is the only thing I can manage to write right now. It's singing to me, begging o be written, but every time I get a PM or a review asking me when I am going to update, I feel guilty for not being able to do it all at the same time. It's causing me to suffer physically, and emotionally. I'm finding myself becoming angry and butter over a something that I love! So, I hope that you'll understand.

Please don't review this AN, as I will be deleting it and replacing it when I get a new chapter written.


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